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Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 7664
Experience:  35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
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I have had breast cancer and had both breast removed. My husband

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I have had breast cancer and had both breast removed. My husband was very supportive and there for every visit and operation and reconstruction. During my chemo my sex drive was very low but now after all is said and done and everything is over and back to somewhat of a normal life I have found that he does not want to have sex much at all.
He says it is that he is older now 66 and not much sex drive. Well I finally got him to look into pills to help but I found that is not that great as it seems I have to make an appt to have sex. When we try with out the pills he deflates as soon as he enters me. He does not want to have sex it can be as little as once eve month or more. I feel it is because of my scares or what ever and I can not seem to get him to open up. He says he loves me dearly and mean everything to him, I feel we need help.
Seeking expert counseling is a sign of strength. A personal relationship with a caring professional is proven clinically effective.

Dear friend,

I am sorry to hear that you are having relationship troubles over your husband's difficulty with erectile dysfunction.

At his age, the blood flow is not as sufficient as it was when he was younger and it is very common for him to "deflate" just at the critical moment. He may have the will but he doesn't have the way anymore.

Furthermore, his situation is complicated by the fact that he feels humiliated and embarrassed by this situation, and that makes it even more difficult the next time. He probably has more interest than he lets on, but hates the feeling of letting you down.

Making an "appointment" for a date is a good idea. That way he can take his ED (erectile dysfunction) medication. It comes in different strengths, and there may be other delivery systems besides pills (possibly self injections).

He should also test for his testosterone level as that may need a boost.

Finally, I highly recommend going to see a certified sex therapist, who is usually a licensed mental health therapist with additional training and certification. They are excellent at helping with the psychological and emotional effects of ED.

I do not think that your mastectomy is an issue. You are still a woman and knows how to please her man. I believe that the problem is mostly his ED.

To find a sex therapist in your area, go to this website:

and click your province on the map.

I am sure that you can make this work. Be patient with him, do not blame yourself, and find ways of pleasuring each other. Use the sex therapist. She or he will be a very worthwhile investment, and help you to restore the best of your marriage.

Have courage, and persevere.

Warm regards,

Elliott Sewell, LPCC, NCC, CCMHC
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