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Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5515
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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i suffer with bipolar and im paraplegic im worried about a

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i suffer with bipolar and im paraplegic im worried about a problem, five years ago i splitt up with my ex and decided to have my mother as my main carer, to be honest i did it because she said she would help me out with money and i thought i would have a more independant life, five years on i have lots of debt, i feel im not living an independant life, my confidence and self esteem are low. My sister thinks its a mistake my mum working for me as we are emotionly attached,my mum has other jobs and it feels like im always waiting around for her to pop in and out. I dont know what to do i feel scared, guilty all the negative emotions. MY sister said she would help me with my money problems if i changed my situation, but im not sure if i can rely on her. i would like to change things but im not sure if im strong enough, i spoke to my doctor and im going to see a councilar and im going on a course about managing my care.
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 2 years ago.
Hello, I'd like to help you with your question.

It sounds like you have given your mother a chance to help you but your situation has not turned out for the better. And you mentioned that your sister would like to help, but it sounds like that help has conditions attached to it, including you having to give up help from your mother.

From what it sounds like, your mother and sister are not helping you based on your needs but rather on their own terms. And that has caused you to lose power over your own life and situation. You mentioned that you are in debt and that you have to work your life around your mother, which is the opposite of the reasons you asked her to help you. And your sister is not yet helping you but is already making demands.

In order to gain control back of your life, you need to take steps to find a carer that can focus on your needs and not the other way around. It sounds like you are taking steps already in that direction which is great. You mentioned not feeling strong enough but the steps you are taking all show that you are thinking this through clearly and know how to pursue help for your situation.

You may also want to tell your sister that you appreciate her concern but that unless she is willing to help you without conditions, then you are going to attempt to fix the situation on your own. You can do this in a gentle yet firm way so you can keep your relationship with her and set boundaries at the same time.

Also, consider support groups and resources to help you find ways to cope and to gain support. Here are some links to get you started:

http://psychcentral.com/lib/2011/self-esteem-struggles-and-strategies-that-can-help/

http://www.apparelyzed.com/forums/

http://www.helpguide.org/mental/bipolar_disorder_symptoms_treatment.htm

http://psychcentral.com/lib/2007/self-help-strategies-for-bipolar-disorder/

Life on Wheels: The A to Z Guide to Living Fully with Mobility Issues by Gary Karp

I hope this has helped you,
Kate
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5515
Experience: Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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