Her constant threats of divorce scares me so much. We had recently had a dispute where my parents have been the mediators between both of us. Unfortunately and sadly, she lost her parents both to cancer in 2001. My parents have become like her own parents and helped take care of her, been there for her and we see them every weekend. We are very close. She has two sisters. One of which I am good with. The other hates my guts. I could come up with the cure for AIDS or cancer and she will still harbor so much hatred for me. My wife has recently become very close to her sister. Ever since she has become very secretive. Constantly texting her in the same room and going into corners of different room constantly having the phone and texting. She does not deny that she is saying bad things to me. Because I want to give her freedom and space, I try not to let it bother me. However, she has become a very different person. She is disinterested in the marraige and more interested in hanging out with friends, girls night outs, etc.
She has diabetes and has admitted on numerous occasions to being severely depressed. She has also admitted to physically and verbally abusing me to my parents. I felt for a long time I could take it as a man and let her vent out all her rage she has for me. Instead it has gotten worse. I was completely foolish thinking that this would help let her vent and let go of the past.
She constantly brings up the past 7 years and I don't know how to get her to look forward to the present working things out and the future goal of becoming a happy family and marriage. We have a beautiful son and house and always recieving compliments from everyone of how such a great couple we are. However, it is very different. We have build so much together and she seems like she does not care at all.
I feel it is morally and ethically wrong to constantly wave this divorce bell or threaten to take away our son and run off to her sister's house everytime I do or say something she does not agree with. I don't feel this is right and I do believe this is mentally and emotionally abusive. I am not sure. Am I wrong? Or is this a correct assesment.
She has recently gravitated to anyone or anything that is anti-me and talks to any friends that have openly said negative things about me to her. She also will believe any negative comments about me even though she has acknowledged that these people in our circles are depressed and jealous and gossip in their own lives.
For 7 years of marraige, her sister turned her back on her and never was there for her. She did not even come to our wedding. I do agree and believe my actions pushed her away and she went to her sister. I do acknowledge I need help and need to deal with it. However, me and my family feel so betrayed. I feel like she turned her back on me. She will not listen nor acknowledge an neutral statement and you should never turn your back on your husband. I have never turned my back on her.
My philosophy is that your wife comes first. And if someone does not like nor respect my wife, I walk away and go to another cirlce, friend, environment. How do I get her to feel the same way?
She spends so much energy fighting against me and bashing my name and insulting me to her sister (someone who has no interest in seeing our marraige work) that she does not spend that energy trying to stick up for me or talk good about me. She does not spend that same energy in trying to work things out.
Besides us going to anger management and marital counseling, how do i get her to reach the first steps in realizing all this?
We have filed legal injunctions both against each other which both have been granted by the judge. With both of our attorneys, we both agreed to drop the injunctions and go to marital and anger management counseling. I am not sure if she agreed to this because she found out I have a much stronger case against her and she is just going to ride the waves of this counseling and when it is completed, she has an attorney waiting in the wings for a divorce. Currently, we have a signed document on both our ends with our attorneys to have a seperation where she gets the house and the kid monday to the following monday and we alternate every week. Is it right to ask how long this will continue? Is that something the marital counselor can help us with?
What are the questions, statements I need to make in our counseling to find this out or what things she is up to?
I grew up in a very close, affectionate and honest family. We don't believe in divorce. Our religion/culture as many others, does not believe in divorce either. However, I am not sure with her.
I am just typing out whatever I can so you can please let me know your advise, thoughts, answers, etc. Please help.
I wanted to let you know that I am working on your answer and will get back to you as soon as possible.
Thank you. Please help. I need all the help I can get before I go to the counselor tonight with my wife.