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Ask Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC Your Own ...

Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5450
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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Almost time I feel uncomfortable in public...

Customer Question

Almost time I feel uncomfortable in public, so I have prevented myself from going to public places. I feel weird around people. I always think people close to me are looking at me. I feel nervous all the time hanging out. I'm tired of getting angry over everything. I'm tired of getting uncomfortable feeling everywhere i go. For the past few years, I've been feeling this way, though I thought nothing of it. However, something has to change. I think i have to do something now before the anxiety takes over my life. I also tried activities like yoga and meditation but it still cannot make me fell better.
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 1 year ago.

Hello, I'd like to help you with your question.

Social anxiety develops when someone feels fear in a normal social situation that does not normally cause fear. However, the person begins to experience anxiety and other symptoms that are difficult to cope with. The symptoms become associated with the situation and a fear develops. Feeling angry can be the frustration you feel in dealing with the fear that comes up each time you try to feel normal in a social situation.

Facing your fear is one of the best ways to help you feel better. Although it can be difficult when you feel so uncomfortable in public, taking small steps to improve how you feel can help.

When it comes to talking with other people and being social, many people experience fears. One of the most significant is not knowing what to say. This also creates the fear that others will feel you are uninterested or even socially awkward.

The best way to approach this is to have in mind at least three topics that fit any social situation, such as current events, social events involving the group and something about the group you are in such as something someone is wearing. Practice talking about these topics with "safe" people like family or a close friend.

Another fear is that people will notice how nervous you are. To deal with this fear, it helps to confront it by asking yourself "so what?". What can happen if they notice? Everyone has been afraid at one time or another so realizing that can help you feel less nervous.

Take along a comforting object, one that gives you tactile sensation, like a smooth stone. It can help to play with this object as you talk to not only distract you from feeling nervous, but also to calm you.

When in doubt, bring up something about the other person. A simple compliment can break the ice and make the other person perceive you as approachable and kind. People love to talk about themselves so whenever you feel stuck, ask a question about that person. Learn their interests and ask them about it when you see them, like "how was the game?"

Social phobias often develop unexpressed emotions from either childhood or a trauma. Therapy can help a lot to learn what triggers these feelings of fear and what you can do about them. Also, self help can supplement therapy and help you learn how to relax when you feel fearful and learn to enjoy being out with others. Here are some resources to help you:

The Anxiety and Phobia Workbook by Edmund J. Bourne

Anxiety, Phobias, & Panic: A Step-by-Step Program for Regaining Control of Your Life by Reneau Z. Peurifoy

http://www.helpguide.org/mental/social_anxiety_support_symptom_causes_treatment.htm

I hope this has helped,
Kate

Customer: replied 1 year ago.

It's not what i meant. I think i'm ok to talking with people. I'm even a good talking person. But i still feel uncomfortable. A feeling from deep inside, that i dont like this situation, even i dont know why. In restaurant, i try to eat fast to finish the meal. In the road, i try to walk so i dont have to see anyone else.


I feel so wrooooong all the time in public. i need to get over all these thing.

Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 1 year ago.

If you are uncomfortable in public situations and avoid trying to see others, you either may be developing a social fear or you might have some traits of anti social disorder. But you mention feeling ok talking to others so you may not have a full disorder, just some symptoms. You may also want to explore your background and see if there is something that might be causing how you feel now. Sometimes people develop feelings as adults that are caused by past traumas or situations that harmed them emotionally. These issues do not show themselves until they are adults because before then, it was not safe. Talking to a therapist would help you explore what might be going on and the best way to address it.

Kate

Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5450
Experience: Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

I think i have to talking with a therapist to figure out my problem. So can you introduce me some online therapist or any therapy that may work for my situation.

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Relist: Incomplete answer.
Expert:  Coach Jen K. replied 1 year ago.
Hi. Welcome. I am a Licensed Master Social Worker with more than 20 years experience working with individuals and families on a variety of issues.

I am sorry to hear of that pain and uncomfortable feeling you have while being around people. When we are suffering inside as it sounds like you are, it can be difficult to interact with others in a way that we feel comfortable. The goal is to dig deep within to tease out what you are feeling about yourself and to deal with the depression and anxiety and as these feelings begin to ease, then being around others will begin to feel easier as well.

You deserve to feel better inside and also with others. Please take a look at https://etherapi.com/ to find an online therapist. I do believe you could also do well interacting with a therapist face to face as you can work out those uncomfortable feelings right there as they are coming up. Let me know if I can help locate someone for you in your area.

I do believe and have faith that you can feel better once the depression and anxiety are looked at and worked through. Let me know your thoughts. I look forward to hearing back from you.
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 1 year ago.

Sorry, I had to step out for a bit. You can see a therapist face to face or on line.
Here are some resources to help you:

http://www.whatclinic.com/psychologists/vietnam

 

http://www.psychologymatters.asia/find_therapist/Vietnam/

 

Here is a guide to on line therapy:

 

http://psychology.about.com/od/psychotherapy/a/onlinepsych.htm

 

The best therapy option is most likely Cognative Behavioral therapy which helps you change your thinking so you feel better. When you begin therapy, the therapist should do a full evaluation and provide a diagnosis, so you can better understand why you feel as you do. Then they will work with you to find solutions to help.

Kate

Expert:  Coach Jen K. replied 1 year ago.
I want to say that I commend you for reaching out here...that is a great first step and in addition to providing you with online therapy options, I want you to know that I am here to support you as you navigate the best course of action for you. You can always address the question to me CoachJenK and it will come right to me. I look forward to supporting you.
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Relist: Inaccurate answer.
Expert:  Coach Jen K. replied 1 year ago.
I am coming back in to see what about the above responses felt inaccurate to you. Let's have a dialog so you can get the support you need.
Expert:  Coach Jen K. replied 1 year ago.
Can I help you further?
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Thank ,Thanks for your asking.I happy to know more about my situation.I've just taken a test online to determine do i suffer social fear or antisocial disorder. But the results told me that not anything was right for me. I just cant feel normal when someone next to me, even i know them or not. I cant be myself in public places, everything i do is not naturally. It not means that I'm shy or not confident. I'm always do things what i want or need. It's just a feeling and i think no one know, but it's still affect me. People around me think that I'm really socialize. I'm not fear when talking with people, easy to make friend, but i don't like to. I just want they stay away from me, it doesn't mean that i hate them. I just don't like the feeling a strange or unclosed people next to me.
Expert:  Coach Jen K. replied 1 year ago.
I understand all that you are experiencing and by reaching out here you are taking that first wonderful step to getting some help. I know you would like to do some online counseling. Would you be willing to look into www.etherapi.com so you can begin to look at this and begin to feel better?
Expert:  Coach Jen K. replied 1 year ago.
I got notification that you responded to my post above, but there isn't anything here, so I am checking in to make sure you are okay. I would like to be able to help and have you feel supported since you gave me a rating of poor service, I want to check in and see what else I can do.

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