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Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5451
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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Hello. I am happy to say my friend contacted me about

Resolved Question:

Hello  . I am happy to say my friend contacted me about 3 days later and until last week have been chatting daily. He now has a new job and is doing fine with the baby. He has not moved here and Idk if he will anytime soon.. I told him bye last Monday and sent him email explaining that I need more than 5-10 a day from him. He says he cant give me more rite now. I need, want and Deserve more than that from him. He may next summer move back to where I am depending on his job. Do you think he cares about me and will it ever work?

Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Camille-Mod replied 1 year ago.

Hi, I am a Moderator for this topic. I sent your requested Professional a message to follow up with you here, when they are back online. If I can help further, please let me know. Thank you for your continued patience.

Expert:  Camille-Mod replied 1 year ago.

I am sorry for the long wait, would you like to continue waiting or would you like for me to open your question to other Professionals?

Customer: replied 1 year ago.

Hello Camille,


I would like Dr. Fee to answer if she has time, b/c she answered last time and was helpful.. Otherwise you can open the question to other Professionals.


Thank You,


Pat


 

Expert:  Camille-Mod replied 1 year ago.
Hi, Dr Fee hasn't been online since Sunday...I am not sure when she will return. I will open this to others for you. Thank you for your continued patience:-)
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 1 year ago.

Hello, I'd like to help you with your question.

I read through the conversation you had with Dr. Fee and am caught up in terms of your situation. It sounds like this man does want to be with you, but the situation he is in with a new baby and trying to support the child might be weighing on him so he needs to be with his child until he can figure out how to move back. That does not mean he does not like you, it just means that he is putting the child's needs before his own. When you see that someone is making the effort to be responsible and care for their child, that is a good sign. It means he cares and is able to see that his child needs him now.

However, that does not mean he doesn't care for you or that your relationship will never work out. Your friend may just need time to work the situation out. The fact that he stays in contact with you means he cares. And he is being honest about what he can give you now. He has a new baby and a new job. Both of those are very stressful and demand a lot of time. Until he adjusts to both, he may need to take more time for himself. That does not change his feelings for you. He is being upfront and honest about that which is a good sign. You may just want to give him more time. You do deserve more right now but he may be giving all he can at the moment.

I hope this helps,
Kate

Customer: replied 1 year ago.

Hello Kate,


I have not heard from the male since 9/17. He has been in my life for 4 yrs and out-of-state for the past two. He has to take care of baby, the gf who had the baby, a dysfunctional Mom who does not take care of his sibs, and the sibs which range in ages (3-18). He would get custody of the sibs but Mom wont do it. He wants to move back where I am but does not have the $$ to do so. I have helped him a lot in the last 2 yrs. and all he states he can do is call once daily when he is driving home for 10 min. He didnt do anything else since his job now is closer to his home, and now wont speak to me at all. Will I ever hear from him again? I have told him to stay where he is and make a life there. He says (as of 9/17) No he wants to be here and will return... I miss him all the time and cry some. What do you think?

Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 1 year ago.

It sounds like either he is extremely overwhelmed (he has a lot of people to take care of!), or he is unsure of what he wants to do. He says he wants to be in the same place you are, but he has a lot of commitments where he is now. To be where you are, he would have to drop those commitments and move. That takes a lot.

What you may want to do is give him time. Don't contact him for a few weeks. If he doesn't contact you within that time frame (for example, say by the middle of October) then try to contact him. If you do speak with him, let him know that you would like a final answer about what he is going to do. If he cannot give you one, you may want to consider moving on from the relationship. I know that hurts you to consider, but at this point, he is not giving you much to go on. Until he can commit, you might want to move forward.

Kate

Customer: replied 1 year ago.

Hi Kate,


He and I have spoken about all of this for the last two yrs. He loves and will take care of his son. The baby mama would move here too and live with her parents. He wants ( he has stated to me) to live by himself and share baby with her. He has a job that will promote him (he has been told) by Dec. Then he needs to wait for a few mo. and can transfer here with the same job. That will be spring at the earliest b/c the job has to have an opening for him here... I have feelings for him but dont know what they are due to the fact I have not seen him in 2 yrs. I asked him to come visit for 2 days in Oct or Nov. He wants to come in Jan. I cant wait that long and I would not be able to speak to him during the holidays, it would hurt tooo much. When I tell him this he has no answers. He has been the responsible one in the family his whole life.He has always taken care of Mom and the sibs. I know I have to wait but do you think he has feelings and will ever be in my life again? I am scared of never hearing from him again... Thank you for answering.

Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 1 year ago.

If he is still talking with you, however often that is, and is making plans to come back to where you are, then there is always a chance that he still has strong feelings for you and wants to be with you. If he was ignoring you and wasn't saying he wants to move to be near you, then that would show you that he doesn't care. But he is not saying that. So you still have a good chance to be together.

Kate

Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5451
Experience: Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you

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