Thanks Kate. That makes sense about a personality disorder. He is very destructive and he admits to sabotaging things when we get close. I find the pornography very hard to deal with, I walk in on him masturbating, find it all over the computer, in the garage, on his phone. Every time I am upset, angry, pleading with him as this behaviour really hurts me. He always promises to change and recently he swore on our daughter's life to say he had stopped looking when I knew he was lying.
He sometimes gets so angry he punches himself in the face, breaks things, etc. I know I'm making him sound like a complete monster. I'm not trying to paint him in a bad light... he has some lovely qualities but the lies and addictions are destroying our relationship and our family.
Does he need to see a psychiatrist instead of a counsellor?
He's out of the house and I wish I could stop caring about him . I wonder if he can really change, he's 44 now and some of his behaviour is so extreme and worrying. Can I ever really trust him?
I don't get the impression from your description that medication would help him, though an evaluation by a psychiatrist might be beneficial. Psychiatrists mostly prescribe medications and do some therapy. A Master's level therapist or Psychologist is probably going to be more effective with helping him with these issues.
Trusting him is going to take him admitting he needs help and getting that help. Once he is able to do that, you can both work on rebuilding trust.
Thanks Kate, that's really helpful. I wasn't sure which therapy he should be receiving. I can't give up on him, even just for our daughters' sake.
He is saying he desperately wants to change, I think him being out of the house has made him realise he could stand to lose everything if he doesn't seek help and make changes.
He says he feels like two different people sometimes which is really worrying. Not sure what that could mean ?? Should I worry about this ?
I really am trying my best to support him or help him as much as I can without it destroying me, very painful.
The best way to tell what might be going on with him is to have him get an evaluation by a therapist. There is no way to know what he means by anything he says unless he has a face to face evaluation. The link above can give you more information about which therapist might help him.
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Thanks Kate. I am going to research clinical psychologists and try to find a suitable person for him.
I really appreciate your advice.