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Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5517
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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Hi Kate, Just a month ago I asked you this question: http://www.justanswer.com/mental-h

Resolved Question:

Hi Kate,
Just a month ago I asked you this question:
http://www.justanswer.com/mental-health/721ax-what-first-step-relationship.html

I say hello to him everytime I meet him at work and he says hello too, but nothing more. I've always talked to someone I'm interested in without much difficulties, but this time I feel so nervous and so awkward around him. Why and how to overcome this?

One thing I'm afraid of is that my feelings for him might show if I talked to him. I don't want anyone, including him, to know how I feel about him just yet, because work is my first priority.

Does feeling so awkward around him mean that he might not be the one for me?

Today, during a break, there were only me, him, and another guy in a room. I thought this was a great oppotunity to talk to him but just couldn't help but talked to the other guy. I guess this will make it easier and more natural for me to talk to the guy I'm interested in the next time I meet him, but was this a good way?

I say to myself, "no one will notice, so just go ahead and talk to him." But I just can't. I don't know what I'm so scared of.

I feel butterflies in my stomach even when I'm at home, but is this normal?
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 2 years ago.
Most likely you feel awkward and nervous around him because you have strong feelings for him. Most people feel that way about someone for a variety of reasons including anger (which you don't feel because you don't have a relationship with him), fear of judgment and strong feelings of attraction. Overcoming these feelings may just be a matter of taking the first steps to talk with him. Also, take a deep breath when you think about him to relax yourself. You can also change your thinking about him. Picture him as someone normal who has faults just like anyone else. You can picture him doing silly things to help yourself "humanize" him.

Feeling awkward around him does not mean he is not the partner for you. It only means that you have strong feelings about him. You won't be able to tell if you are a good fit together until you get to know him and have a chance to have a relationship.

It's normal to feel nervous around someone you feel attracted to. Almost everyone does. And it is a good step you took to talk to the other person in the room with you both. It gives him a chance to hear you talk and get to know you a bit better so when you do talk with him, you won't seem like complete strangers to each other. The more you can do something like that, the better. He will feel closer to you and more open to talking with you.

All of what you feel is very normal. Just try your best to relax and think of him as someone normal. He is just like you or anyone else. It is only your feelings for him that make him stand out as special.

Kate
Customer: replied 2 years ago.

Hi,


Thank you for your answer and it made me feel a little better.


And sorry for my late reply.


 


So the butterflies in my stomach only means that I have strong feelings for him, but I've never had this feeling before, even to my ex boyfriends. Was that beacuse I didn't like them much? I used to have relationships with guys I felt comfortable with from the start, but they all didn't work out. None of them was my type.


 


I can't help but look at him when he's around, and he looks back at me too. And after we looked at each other once he sat close to me, but I couldn't say anything to him(he didn't say anything to me either). Should I talk to him the next time something similar happens, or should I first talk to other people to let him know how I talk to people and feel closer to me? I have some general questions for him that I could ask anyone at my work, so if I have a chance I'm going to ask him one or two of these questions to see how he will react.


 


I think it's better not to show my feelings about him for the time being. But when can I show them to him?


 

Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 2 years ago.

It may be that you feel very strongly about this guy and that is why you feel nervous about being around him. You may not have felt the same about your other relationships. You could say something to him next time you see him, just something brief like hello, how are you? Just to open communication between you. That way, he knows that you have positive feelings towards him. Then wait to see what he does before you ask him any questions. You want to be sure he is open to talking with you, which is sounds like he is. Wait until you have become friends before showing your feelings. If you do it too early, you could scare him away. Once you have a good rapport and know each other a bit better, then you can let him know how you feel.

Kate

Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5517
Experience: Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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