see heres the thing.
i like taking care of pts.
i dont like not being able to practice the way i want. safely.
thats why i heard of a nurse when she left st vincents she went and worked at pathmarks. over nites. said she cant do it anymore.
and another of a friend of mine who left to be corporate her friend left and sold hot dogs from a truck. and gave away ones to people who were homeless or she felt needed them.
see? nurses who just flipped the f**k out.
look ok no one is without sin.
but im sorry theres levels. im not up there with perfect people but, ive basically done the right thing. and i def havent given my parents heartache. i dont think they know how lucky they are.
i see all sorts of shit in the er and parents running there to parents who have had it and are fed up with their kids and their bullshit.
i have never called my parents drunk, high, in jail or in the er. i mean seriously. if i can say that of my kids again ill be happy.
as for you being bad... it doesnt count if you took the last pillsbury crescent roll at thanksgiving without asking.
i mean seriously.
ok my first instinct is of course curiousity and ill admit that makes me like you more ... your badness.
or possibly sleep with you...
then again i kind of like a good boy i want to corrupt...
i didnt know you debated that electra existed. i have seen many children boy so r girls say how theyre marrying their mommy or their daddy or silly things like that..
i def believe that it does. its just odd when youre the mother kind of standing there like...
ok i dotn fit in here soemhow. i always knew id be replaced by a younger woman. who knew id create her?
im talking to you right steve? you knew my family esp my mother has been pretty shitty to me. at least i thought that thought had gotten across.
im worried when you say oh you fit in with your family.. its like yeah youre f**ked up like them too liz. just join the band.
or join the island of misfit toys... (btw i have always called the er that..)
i m totally soem misfit that exists. constantly belittled, questioned, excluded. with my mom she doesnt wnat me there. and my kid neither. not much to question there. theres family functions my mother hosts that im not invited to. but weve been thru that already.
my mother was sick dying in the icu, and after it was all said and done im tlaking 9 months in the hosp. she went for her 1st appt and i took her to even that - nd the dr said you know youre lucky to have lived. if your daughter wsnt there you wouldve died. and my mother said.. my son was there everyday. and the dr was like....what?
and dont get me wrong he was there. but hes not medical. he was a kid in college at the time. and hes all freaked out by the whole experience. i remember him telling me and a cousin that he doesnt know how the f**k we do this everyday the - vomit the nudity the families, the body fluids. the craziness of the whole thing. there was a blind guy- in the same room as my mom - there who would complain the lights werent on. and then id say .. marcus youre blind and hed say oh yeah......
as far as my mil, one time back when things started to sour my fil was in the hosp with a 100 complaints. they shudve called an ambulance but they wanted to go to a certain hosp and if they did it wasnt the closest. anwyay rob drove us and we were all crammed in their stupid little car - and we got there and they worked him up right away due to chest pain etc. of course it all was nothing b/c hes an asshole, and he was on the cardiac floor and they gave him an antibiotic - zosyn - which is contraindicated for a cardiac pt. well he threw soem arrythmias. so i told her tell them youre refusing it and have the attending change it. b/c it could throw him inot terminal rhythm. so she wnted to and spoke to a stupid intern who said they wouldnt change it and i said well then tell him were refusing it and well deal with it in the am. and she had the nerve to say that the reason my mom was treated so badly at her experience was b/c i was a bitch to the staff there. and shes not going to be rude to them for fear of what theyre going to do to him. i said hey they care so much theyre giving him a drug thats causing arrythmias so see how much that they care that they kill him.
and steve i was done. i told rob what a bitch his mother was and i was done. dont call me and have us drive like were an ambulance with his dad having chest pain. f**k all of that. call me if hes dead or alive. im not going thats for sure. i mean steve if you go to buy a used to car and bring amechanic- the whole point is theyre looking out for you. im the wringer. so hey take soem intern who doesnt knwo what theyre doing over mine. i only care b/c its robs father. other than that i dont. honestly.
so you tell me how respected i am in this stupid family.
and i cant lie to myself and think that i a m. my brother and his wife who know nothing think they know everything. about kids marriage.. etc.
as far as my mother seeing me in her. i dotn see it. and she says all the time how were not alike at all.
and im ok with that really. if you want to insult me tell me im just like my mother. i might have a choice word for you.. or two..
we dont look alike. strike one.
shes very backwrds in her thinking and has almost no caring or understanding for another individual.
shes not motherly. shes not a huggy caring loving mother.
i have all the annoyances of guilt that an italian mother can give u but none of the good stuff. usually theyre very lovey and they can cook. my mom cant even cook.
and i think im not like that. - yes - the opposite of all those things listed above.
and steve i didnt get the solo cuz i sucked. i was one of the best singers. i was a high soprano. i never used sheet music with words, i can memorize songs and i know every song on the radio. ask rob.
i sing to kate all the time. esp in the car. and im a pretty good mimic. which is why i prob wouldve never had a career. they dont want that.
and im able to parrot all the broadway songs - esp phantom of the opera and les miserables.. the song on my own was my song for solo. i had it down.
im mad at myself that i let her rattle me. i let all the things she did to me get to me and fulfill her thoughts of me sucking or not being good
enough for her time. realize i had to live up ot my little brother who was exceptional at alot of things.
he is good looking and funny. a guys guy and a ladies man. since kindegarten im not kidding.
super popular. even moms liked him. oh stephen...
i had soem stupid little girl tell me that i was lucky i had him as a brother cuz i got to be with him all the time. yeah.
and he was very good at sports. esp baseball and was an all star pitcher whom my parents thought was going to go all the way.
he quit in college even thought the coach was very happy woth him and my dad i think has never forgiven him. my bro only said he quit b/c he only could throw in the 80s mph and his arm tired too soon.
my dad said fine then be ashort stop. his alt position and i think ym dad and the coach were prob right b ut for soem reason there was no reasoning with him. (he was on the all star team from ny to go to japan..)
ive been actually paranoid in my thinking that eddie didnt say anything b/c he found out rob somehow doesnt have the job...