How JustAnswer Works:

  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.

Ask Norman M. Your Own Question

Norman M.
Norman M., Principal psychotherapist in private practice. Newspaper contributor, over 2000 satisfied clients on JA
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 2546
Experience:  ADHP(NC), DEHP(NC), ECP, UKCP Registered.
14727623
Type Your Mental Health Question Here...
Norman M. is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

ADMIN ONLY CS- 130

Resolved Question:

Hi just a few minutes ago I found out one of my friends is having lunch with some friends of his. This Pisses me off, to the point that I start fantasizing about killing him. This is just an example, I have these feelings everytime someone I know enjoys themselvs, when they are having fun without me, etc... I also feel like this towards everyone. A female from my class went on the newspaper yesterday, and I'm completly upset that she did. I don't want her to be admired. Why does this piss me off so badly? I want it to stop, I can't handle being so envious of everyone, I'm envious of fame, money, all these things, and It brings me unhappiness, I just start thinking about making several bombs and blow up the entire school. I feel like I need to tell someone, because I just want to understand it a little better. I don't want those long boring answers, I'm going to pay good for this, I want to know if I might have a disorder or not, I want to know that kind of stuff, theory, science. Not personal opinions.

Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Norman M. replied 2 years ago.

As far as a diagnosable disorder as such - I doubt it. What you do have is some seriously disordered thinking, basically based on unreasonable expectations.

You seem to imagine that the world revolves around you, that you should be the star, you should be the one who is successful, have money, fame and so on, and that you should be included in everything.

Pause for a minute and ask yourself these questions, answer them as honestly as possible, and write down the answers.

Is there some universal law that says I should be included in all my friends' activities?

Just who do I think I am, that I should automatically have luck, money, fame, wealth and so on - and when you answer that one, remember that the dictionary is the only place where success comes before work. Henry Ford - the car guy - had it right when he said "You know, it's funny, but the harder I work at things, the luckier I get!"

He - and almost any sucessful person - has no illusions about reality. The world is a tough place, and you have to earn the applause!

I think and alright, this IS a personal opinion, but in several years of being a VERY well thought of psychotherapist, I'm entitled to it, and if it is something you do not want to hear, well, tough!

I’m going to suggest that you would benefit from some Cognitive Behavioral Therapy.

CBT is based on the fact that what we think in any given situation generates beliefs about, and reactions to that situation, and also causes the behaviour and feelings which flow from those beliefs and reactions.

These ‘automatic thoughts’ are so fast that generally, we are unaware that we have even had them. We call them ANTS (automatic negative thoughts) for short.

If the pattern of thinking we use, or our beliefs about our situation are even slightly distorted, the resulting emotions and actions that flow from them can be extremely negative and unhelpful. The object of CBT is to identify these ‘automatic thoughts’ then to re-adjust our thoughts and beliefs so that they are entirely realistic and correspond to the realities of our lives, and that therefore, the resulting emotions, feelings and actions we have will be more useful and helpful.

Cognitive therapists do not usually interpret or seek for unconscious motivations but bring cognitions and beliefs into the current focus of attention and through guided discovery encourage clients to gently re-evaluate their thinking.

Therapy is not seen as something “done to” the client. CBT is not about trying to prove a client wrong and the therapist right, or getting into unhelpful debates. Through collaboration, questioning and re-evaluating their views, clients come to see for themselves that there are alternatives and that they can change.

Clients try things out in between therapy sessions, putting what has been learned into practice, learning how therapy translates into real life improvement.

Please visit this website for much more detailed information on CBT:

http://www.rcpsych.ac.uk/mentalhealthinfoforall/treatments/cbt.aspx

If you cannot afford to see a therapist, there are good free CBT based self-help resources here:

http://www.getselfhelp.co.uk/cbtstep1.htm

There is one person who can change your life around, and that is YOU.Learn to change your thinking, and the rest will fall into place. Before you dismiss this as psychobabble, at least look at the website.That information is provided by some of the best of the best.

Also, there is a book called ”Feeling good - the new mood therapy” by Dr. David Burns. It has a hand book which gives you practical exercises to work through and further instructions on how to better use CBT. I really do recommend it.

Cognitive Behavioural Therapy Workbook for Dummies By Rhena Branch, Rob Willson is also pretty good.

Best wishes, NormanM





Customer: replied 2 years ago.

I know that, But however I love the way I think and my personallity, only reason I'm asking is because these envy thoughts are swarming my mind, sometimes I can't sleep because of how Angry i am at someone, just for little things. And It seems that I have a breakdown, when I understand that other people relate to others just like I do. I feel that I'm the only one who deserves having a life, other people are just actors in my movie, and I'm the main character. Does that make any sense? I don't know any other way to put it. And I always assume this, only recently I even came to that conclusion.

Expert:  Norman M. replied 2 years ago.
It makes sense as a comparison, but bear in mind that for other people, you are just an actor in their movie!

Whether or not you feel you are the only one who deserves a life etc is neither here nor there, it is simply NOT the case, and unless you get this sorted out, you are going to have a very unhappy life indeed.

That does not need to be the case, if you get help now. It's your best chance, John, so grab it!
Customer: replied 2 years ago.

Hello, About therapy, I've had 4 different psychologists since I was 9, for different reasons, and nothing changed, This last time, I just keep lying to my current psychologist, and I don't want to tell her I'm lying about everything, and I mean EVERYTHING, she barely knows anything about me, I read about OCD, and I portray and mimic the symptoms and I do this with other disorders, I don't know why. But that's besides the point, I wanted to say that therapy hasn't really been working with me. I feel comfortable talking over the internet, and only here I can actually analyze myself, Is there a way to do therapy over the web? I would also like to add that it's not that I'm being disturbed by my thoughts, it's the fact that I can't do anything to control my friends, and because of that it's bringing me unhappiness.

Expert:  Norman M. replied 2 years ago.
Hello again.You do what you are doing, basically to get attention. Therapy is not going to work if you lie to the therapist, is it?

Of course you cannot control your friends - it's not your right to do so.

If you REALLY want to get better, its time you started accepting that you cannot control the world - in other words, learn to control what you can and what is appropriate, and leave the rest alone.

If you would feel more comfortable working with a therapist online, ther are plenty of these. Just Google online therapy, and you will get dozens to choose from!
Norman M., Principal psychotherapist in private practice. Newspaper contributor, over 2000 satisfied clients on JA
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 2546
Experience: ADHP(NC), DEHP(NC), ECP, UKCP Registered.
Norman M. and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you

JustAnswer in the News:

 
 
 
Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.
 
 
 

What Customers are Saying:

 
 
 
  • I can go as far as to say it could have resulted in saving my sons life and our entire family now knows what bipolar is and how to assist and understand my most wonderful son, brother and friend to all who loves him dearly. Thank you very much Corrie Moll Pretoria, South Africa
< Last | Next >
  • I can go as far as to say it could have resulted in saving my sons life and our entire family now knows what bipolar is and how to assist and understand my most wonderful son, brother and friend to all who loves him dearly. Thank you very much Corrie Moll Pretoria, South Africa
  • I thank-you so much! It really helped to have this information and confirmation. We will watch her carefully and get her in for the examination and US right away if things do not improve. God bless you as well! Claudia Albuquerque, NM
  • Outstanding response time less than 6 minutes. Answered the question professionally and with a great deal of compassion. Kevin Beaverton, OR
  • Suggested diagnosis was what I hoped and will take this info to my doctor's appointment next week.
    I feel better already! Thank you.
    Elanor Tracy, CA
  • Thank you to the Physician who answered my question today. The answer was far more informative than what I got from the Physicians I saw in person for my problem. Julie Lockesburg, AR
  • You have been more help than you know. I seriously don't know what my sisters situation would be today if you had not gone above and beyond just answering my questions. John and Stefanie Tucson, AZ
  • I have been dealing with an extremely serious health crisis for over three years, and one your physicians asked me more questions, gave me more answers and encouragement than a dozen different doctors who have been treating me!! Janet V Phoenix, AZ
 
 
 

Meet The Experts:

 
 
 
  • Dr. Keane

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1262
    Clinical Psychology PhD, Licensed Professional Counselor with experience in marriage/family, teens and child psychology.
< Last | Next >
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DR/Dr.Keane/2013-8-20_204325_drkeane.64x64.jpg Dr. Keane's Avatar

    Dr. Keane

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1262
    Clinical Psychology PhD, Licensed Professional Counselor with experience in marriage/family, teens and child psychology.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/RE/resolutions66/2011-1-17_05728_IMG8202smilingeditedforJustAnswer.64x64.jpg Elliott, LPCC, NCC's Avatar

    Elliott, LPCC, NCC

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    5024
    35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/formybunch/2010-12-06_191055_img_0975.jpg Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC's Avatar

    Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    3733
    Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DR/DrAkiraOlsen/2012-2-20_746_AkiraADpicmain.64x64.jpg Dr. Olsen's Avatar

    Dr. Olsen

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2336
    PsyD Psychologist
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/norriem/2009-5-27_134249_nm.jpg Norman M.'s Avatar

    Norman M.

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2193
    UK trained in hypnotherapy, counselling and psychotherapy and have been in private practice. ADHP(NC), DEHP(NC), UKCP Registered and ECP.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/PsychologyProf/2010-07-15_171248_logos060400409.jpg Dr. Michael's Avatar

    Dr. Michael

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2177
    Licensed Ph.D. Clinical Health Psychology with 30 years of experience in private practive and as a clinical psychology university professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/KURTEMMERLING/2010-07-23_215531_just_ask_picture1.jpg Steven Olsen's Avatar

    Steven Olsen

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1727
    More than twenty years of expertise in counseling, psychological diagnosis and education
 
 
 
Chat Now With A Mental Health Professional
Norman M.
Norman M.
Mental Health Professional
2546 Satisfied Customers
ADHP(NC), DEHP(NC), ECP, UKCP Registered.