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Norman M.
Norman M., Principal psychotherapist in private practice. Newspaper contributor, over 2000 satisfied clients on JA
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 2568
Experience:  ADHP(NC), DEHP(NC), ECP, UKCP Registered.
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Hi just a few minutes ago I found out one of my friends is having lunch with some friends of his. This Pisses me off, to the point that I start fantasizing about killing him. This is just an example, I have these feelings everytime someone I know enjoys themselvs, when they are having fun without me, etc... I also feel like this towards everyone. A female from my class went on the newspaper yesterday, and I'm completly upset that she did. I don't want her to be admired. Why does this piss me off so badly? I want it to stop, I can't handle being so envious of everyone, I'm envious of fame, money, all these things, and It brings me unhappiness, I just start thinking about making several bombs and blow up the entire school. I feel like I need to tell someone, because I just want to understand it a little better. I don't want those long boring answers, I'm going to pay good for this, I want to know if I might have a disorder or not, I want to know that kind of stuff, theory, science. Not personal opinions.

As far as a diagnosable disorder as such - I doubt it. What you do have is some seriously disordered thinking, basically based on unreasonable expectations.

You seem to imagine that the world revolves around you, that you should be the star, you should be the one who is successful, have money, fame and so on, and that you should be included in everything.

Pause for a minute and ask yourself these questions, answer them as honestly as possible, and write down the answers.

Is there some universal law that says I should be included in all my friends' activities?

Just who do I think I am, that I should automatically have luck, money, fame, wealth and so on - and when you answer that one, remember that the dictionary is the only place where success comes before work. Henry Ford - the car guy - had it right when he said "You know, it's funny, but the harder I work at things, the luckier I get!"

He - and almost any sucessful person - has no illusions about reality. The world is a tough place, and you have to earn the applause!

I think and alright, this IS a personal opinion, but in several years of being a VERY well thought of psychotherapist, I'm entitled to it, and if it is something you do not want to hear, well, tough!

I’m going to suggest that you would benefit from some Cognitive Behavioral Therapy.

CBT is based on the fact that what we think in any given situation generates beliefs about, and reactions to that situation, and also causes the behaviour and feelings which flow from those beliefs and reactions.

These ‘automatic thoughts’ are so fast that generally, we are unaware that we have even had them. We call them ANTS (automatic negative thoughts) for short.

If the pattern of thinking we use, or our beliefs about our situation are even slightly distorted, the resulting emotions and actions that flow from them can be extremely negative and unhelpful. The object of CBT is to identify these ‘automatic thoughts’ then to re-adjust our thoughts and beliefs so that they are entirely realistic and correspond to the realities of our lives, and that therefore, the resulting emotions, feelings and actions we have will be more useful and helpful.

Cognitive therapists do not usually interpret or seek for unconscious motivations but bring cognitions and beliefs into the current focus of attention and through guided discovery encourage clients to gently re-evaluate their thinking.

Therapy is not seen as something “done to” the client. CBT is not about trying to prove a client wrong and the therapist right, or getting into unhelpful debates. Through collaboration, questioning and re-evaluating their views, clients come to see for themselves that there are alternatives and that they can change.

Clients try things out in between therapy sessions, putting what has been learned into practice, learning how therapy translates into real life improvement.

Please visit this website for much more detailed information on CBT:

If you cannot afford to see a therapist, there are good free CBT based self-help resources here:

There is one person who can change your life around, and that is YOU.Learn to change your thinking, and the rest will fall into place. Before you dismiss this as psychobabble, at least look at the website.That information is provided by some of the best of the best.

Also, there is a book called ”Feeling good - the new mood therapy” by Dr. David Burns. It has a hand book which gives you practical exercises to work through and further instructions on how to better use CBT. I really do recommend it.

Cognitive Behavioural Therapy Workbook for Dummies By Rhena Branch, Rob Willson is also pretty good.

Best wishes, NormanM

Customer: replied 4 years ago.

I know that, But however I love the way I think and my personallity, only reason I'm asking is because these envy thoughts are swarming my mind, sometimes I can't sleep because of how Angry i am at someone, just for little things. And It seems that I have a breakdown, when I understand that other people relate to others just like I do. I feel that I'm the only one who deserves having a life, other people are just actors in my movie, and I'm the main character. Does that make any sense? I don't know any other way to put it. And I always assume this, only recently I even came to that conclusion.

It makes sense as a comparison, but bear in mind that for other people, you are just an actor in their movie!

Whether or not you feel you are the only one who deserves a life etc is neither here nor there, it is simply NOT the case, and unless you get this sorted out, you are going to have a very unhappy life indeed.

That does not need to be the case, if you get help now. It's your best chance, John, so grab it!
Customer: replied 4 years ago.

Hello, About therapy, I've had 4 different psychologists since I was 9, for different reasons, and nothing changed, This last time, I just keep lying to my current psychologist, and I don't want to tell her I'm lying about everything, and I mean EVERYTHING, she barely knows anything about me, I read about OCD, and I portray and mimic the symptoms and I do this with other disorders, I don't know why. But that's besides the point, I wanted to say that therapy hasn't really been working with me. I feel comfortable talking over the internet, and only here I can actually analyze myself, Is there a way to do therapy over the web? I would also like to add that it's not that I'm being disturbed by my thoughts, it's the fact that I can't do anything to control my friends, and because of that it's bringing me unhappiness.

Hello again.You do what you are doing, basically to get attention. Therapy is not going to work if you lie to the therapist, is it?

Of course you cannot control your friends - it's not your right to do so.

If you REALLY want to get better, its time you started accepting that you cannot control the world - in other words, learn to control what you can and what is appropriate, and leave the rest alone.

If you would feel more comfortable working with a therapist online, ther are plenty of these. Just Google online therapy, and you will get dozens to choose from!
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