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Ask Coach Jen K. Your Own Question

Coach Jen K.
Coach Jen K., LCSW, CPC
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 1809
Experience:  Licensed Master Social Worker. Certified Life Coach
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Is separating from your husband on a temporary basis because

Resolved Question:

Is separating from your husband on a temporary basis because you need to be alone for a while mean that he has a good reason to abuse you emotionally, psychologically and financially thereafter as a possible means to get you back??
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Coach Jen K. replied 2 years ago.

CoachJenK :

Hi. Welcome. I am a Licensed Master Social Worker with more than 20 years experience working with individuals and families on a variety of issues.

CoachJenK :

I dont believe there is ever a good reason for any type of abuse whether you are together or not. It is clear that you have needed this time on your own to sort some things out and that feels like a healthy choice.


 

CoachJenK :

how does that behavior of his lend itself to getting you back? It seems as if it would push you away further.


 

CoachJenK :

tell me your thoughts


 

Customer:

He is 'punishing' me for leaving him but I left him because I was so unhappy with him, given the fact that I married him only because I got pregnant and it was the 'right' thing to do. He now says that I have to face the consequences of 15yrs (until our son is 18) of hell as a result of my decision. This makes me feel guilty to the point that I'm putting up with any abuse or threat he now throws at me. I don't have much experience with men as he was the only one I have ever been with, so I don't know if this is acceptable behavior and whether or not this is a normal reaction of all men???

CoachJenK :

This is not acceptable behavior and not the reaction at all of all men. Clearly he doesnt want you to leave but there are other ways to express that rather than abuse. What kind of support do you have to be where you need to be and that sounds like away from him.


 

Customer:

Please reply...and I will not bother you anymore ;)

CoachJenK :

did you see my response above? you are not a bother at all.


 

CoachJenK :

let me know you can see my response....please scroll up


 

CoachJenK :

sometimes there are issues in the chat and if I dont hear from you I will switch to the Q and A mode as that sometimes works better.


 

CoachJenK :

Are you with me?


 

CoachJenK :

I will switch to a different mode now and hopefully that corrects the problem.


 

Expert:  Coach Jen K. replied 2 years ago.
I am still here with you. Hopefully you are able to see my responses above and we can continue our dialog.
Expert:  Coach Jen K. replied 2 years ago.
Click on the reply button to continue our talk. I just got a notification that you responded but I don't see anything.
Customer: replied 2 years ago.


I'm sorry but this is the first time I turn to the desperate measure of chatting to someone online about my issue..so I somehow lost you. That's what I thought but he didn't even give me 3months off without smothering me, and because I suddenly avoided any form of contact with him for 2 months, he surprised me with court papers and now says that I asked for it as I left him no choice due to my silence. Now that I am ready & strong enough to talk to him for 6 months now, he only wants to communicate through his solicitor and says that he gave me the chance to talk back then but now its too late...that I lost my chance...he even put a DVO against me falsely alleging that I assaulted him. And now, he has even pressed charges! Is this a form of punishment? How much time is enough time that he should have left me alone to recover? To think?? Was I asking too much for 6months to one year off to recover my self-esteem??

Expert:  Coach Jen K. replied 2 years ago.
I am so sorry that all of this is going on for you. One cannot put a time frame on how long one needs to recover and build some self esteem. I can say that it sounds like you took the time that was necessary for yourself.

I would do what you can to continue to care for yourself and get the support that you need through this. If you are desirous of working on things with him you can speak with the solicitor in order to set up some couples counseling. If you are clear that this relationship is not for you then proceed accordingly with your own support and help to do so.

Stay strong and keep the self esteem you have worked so hard to achieve.
Coach Jen K., LCSW, CPC
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 1809
Experience: Licensed Master Social Worker. Certified Life Coach
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Coach Jen K.
Coach Jen K.
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Licensed Master Social Worker. Certified Life Coach