ok, so i am not crazy ... since last message, my stepfather came to visit shortly, but it was like if i had become a gentleman ! He was congratulating for all bits of work done, agreeing to all my idea, listening patiently to my words, and even physically was keeping his head at the high of mine, I felt clearly a change of status in his head, contrasting a lot with how he use to see me. I felt like i was looked as a equal and good model. It even sounded to pretty to be true, as he is the kind of manipulating man able to efficient seduction. I am still vigilant, but this change must be the concequences of the change of mind of my mother toward me. Last winter, i wrote the completed story in a book that i published in a web edition. I sent one to mum, dad and my sister. And Mum, who is very lazy finally read it, during the summer. And before living, Ross (st.father), told me that Mum was decided to write to the army archives office, to have the record of my grandad's mission in India !... and he added : " because she wants to know, where the curse come from" Not to early ! Instead of replaying the head to head with her father with her solid pride, now she watches behind the unworthy father. So, from : " men are bad" she moved to "men can have done bad things" which will improve the confort of all men in relation with mum. It is a kind of victory for me, and i am regaining some of my vital power. JUNG says that when knots are undone in the inconscient, a flow of energy can trig been changes and even be dangerous. What do you think of that ? I feel like i could speak for hours of what i understand now, it is like i could explain the all creation, i exagerate, but can see very quickly if a relation is blocked, with false communication, and easily find why. Of course i keep on studying on the web, where i found massive free knowledge shared by a veteran psychologist : all i saw until now, sound correct ! take a look, and tell me what do think off it http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xDMxj_HIJJk On the french side, the complete family is muted in silence, but from the tiny exchange with my father, i discover that he has reasoning default. He use correct logical thinking most of the time, but when he feel that he is trapped, and conclusion could not fit his view, he make some divertion, and while you try to recover your mind's line, he breaks the logical chain of ideas and pop up away from the dangerous zone. He is a wicked man ! My mother never found was he was driving her crazy and angry, because she had her own bias and curse, masking. Now, i am convince that my father could not have found a other woman to mary... and i know that all his new girl friends have the same profile of my mother because of a unfair fathers. I saw mirror interaction every were. Now, my father is living with a crazy woman, because as long as he denies the problem, i must find a girl with a similar curse. I took the decision to only communicate by mail, to avoid non verbal vicious influences, until he aknowledges his logical default link to his father avoidance of war, and go and see a psy. He is getting furious curently What is your advice ? I wonder if i should cancell my friendship with his girlfriend on FACEBOOK, wich can be a vicious media ? Now, i just reconnected with a former girl friend who is 20 years younger than me. She know that she use to drive me by my nose, but this time i kept my mind, and stay firm on my position. She tries to transfer some culpability from a friend of her, who she put on my way, on to my shoulder. For that i must deny my logical conclusion, giving certainty that her friend did the fault ( i can explain ), and recognize some unreal lack of politness, so her angry friend could recover his noble pride. It sounds like a trap, but i can't see any goal that they would target. So i think, it a protection by strenth show, as she fears a deep sincere relation because of her problematic father who died last year. The can of girl, like mum, who has any confident in men... so i explain every thing, i listen her, but i told her that i won't allow her to throw back the problem in the chaos of the dangerous inconscious. I said : " we can put the monster in a cage. go for any plaisant walk. but we both know that we must domesticate the monster. Sending it back in the dark forest is not a solution. it will grow and make babies. Here in the cage, we know where it is, even if we don't know how to tame it. She tried to swip away the thing. I said : " this is the only possible way from you to me, whatever pretty you can be " Once again, she builds the story of a spiritual meeting with her father, that gave her the peace of mind . She dreams her equilibrium, and she knows that i like to follow her dreams. I would like to be nice to her, i know now that some limits can not be crossed such as THINKING IN A VALIDE RATIONAL WAY ! this is the basic rule to avoid to be lost. She could ask any thing else, but i would not travel with her, without the armor of reason. In fact, we felt in love, because she is what my mother was at the same age: pride, strong, decided, deaf to men, unable to love....and i would like to help her so much... because i know what was her childwood, parents divorced very early, pretty pride mother and an odd weak shamefull father filling his house with newspaper... but she says :"i don't need to talk of my parents, because i am perfectly balance. But my brother needs help ( 10y ago i noticed that he had some lowspeed brain, with some colapse in his train of thought) Well, how can you dream that only one of 2 children could be affected ? Non sense ! She is much more crazy than me, but i can not leave her on her own. Is there other thing than primal narcisism as an engine of love ? What do you think of the these sugested by ROBERT SAPOLKY of stanford, that attraction is the result of inconscious perception of non verbal signs of common genes ? the more genes you share with someone, the more you will protect him (in fact you protect your gene in him, not him)
I am starting by the bottom of your message, and progressing to the top.
I am glad to know that my conclusion about SAPOLSKY teaching, that level of attraction depends of the number of common genes, does not contradict your knowledge.
About the teaching of the veterant psychologist ( aged 73), i keep on learning a lot without any wrong thing heard untill now.
But 2 things make me wonder...
The 1st is that some cores of the system rely on god, with prayer like the serenity one: "give me the serenity to accept what i can't change, the strenght to change what can be changed, and the awareness to know the difference"
this does not frighten me, as long as he doesn't tell me that we can not reach god without knowing Jesus Christ, which will lead to the Vatican.
If he uses god for naming an above organizing strength, that is ok!
The 2nd is that the main core is the inner family system therapy (created by R SCHWARTZ based on subselves, children, manager, magician, etc.. and the above true-self. But, when he says that subselves have scientific reality, and correspond to different area of the brain, i start to doubt seriously... So, as an american, you surely have heard about this new technic.
Tell me what is your opinion on IFST, and if you know if there are some links with some religions or churches ?
With my (possible futur) girlfriend, we have a lot of common genes (lol)... but i am also the only one who has the keys for her happyness, because she is a psychological copy of my mother. Every ingredients is present, a family destroyed when she was 6, total lack of confidence with men, necessity to have total control on her life, so men must show sign of submition, etc...etc... at the same time she needs to replay the missed relation with her father, and as i could be her father ( 20 years of age difference between me & her ), i fit her needs.
Do you think that it could be possible to build a healthy relation ?
My standard are far more loose, than what you imagine. But, i discovered recently that thinking rationally is a protection against mental illness.
So i can not accept any wrong thinking, during the construction of our relationship. She has a lot to clear, and i will do by best to help her, but if she doesn't work with cohérence and logic, the task will be impossible...
i could admit any kind of standard deviation, but i can not tolerate someone who think in an unrational way. (i start repeating my self...)
So, the monster is in the cage, and next time i'll speak with her, i shall ask her : " what do we do with the monster ? " if she answer " well, just leave it in the cage, for now" i will be very glad, but if she denies the existence of it... i would not go further in the relation.
What do you think of my attitude ?
Finaly, does the explanation of the breaking handle causing the accident with Andrew, sounds realistic to you?
Extra for fun : Let me share with you what Peter K Gerlack recommand to say to some one who is shouting at you :
" well, listen now... i really need that you lower your voice ! "
LOL ! i shall try... but i feel like it is going to trig a nuclear explosion !!!!!