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Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5482
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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I am 59 years old. healthy, fit all of that. I work in a decent

Resolved Question:

I am 59 years old. healthy, fit all of that. I work in a decent career and I have
been sucessful. I go to things and clubs that will help me improve such as
toastmasters and 12 step programs for emotional support because all around me
I seem to get treated not well, not wanted, a pest, in the way no respect.

My sisters only phone me when they want me. they enjoy my cottage when I invite them\
but they rarely invite me to their homes. My older sister has been noticing this and she
tries to support me but I rarely see her.

I am so tired of this demeaning behaviour wherever I go and it is wherever I go.
for instance in choir they rarely aknowledge me. At my writing group I was giving one of the women a ride when she needed it and now she has chosen to go with one of the other women in the group dropping me like a hot potatoe.at work the younger girls think
little of me. I had a friend who used me until she didnt need me and now I don't hear
from her at all.

My husband poo poos my concerns. whatever - is his response.
my two daughters are so busy they have little or no time for me and my younger daugher
who is 30 is dating a guy who I am not sure is good for her. Small example...she recently
told me he is going back to school. So at dinner I mentioned that I heard he is going back
to school and he said coldly "I am thinking about it," now he is upset that I brought it
up and she wants to talk to me for upsetting him.

so all in all a pretty grim picture but it is my reality. Its snowballing bigtime and I have been just putting up with because what else can I do. I am not a wet blanket at all in
fact I have a sunny disposition and even won the humourist contest at our club and I bather every day and am not bad to look at. So I am at a loss how to sort this all out
and I am getting weaker and more downtrodden because all around me is nothing
but meaness.
what to do??
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 2 years ago.
Hello, I'd like to help you with your question.

It sounds like you are doing all the right things in order to make friends and get along with your family. However, you are not getting the reaction you expect from these other people.

You seem to be doing fine with how you interact with others. You are socially involved and seem to be achieving what you want to achieve. So it does not sound like anything you are doing. That leaves the kind of people you are interacting with as the issue.

With family, issues usually are caused by past history or the stress of a current situation. Disagreements with family are very common. But if you have no conflicts with your sister or children, then most likely it is some type of perception on their part that is causing the issues. Try talking with your children about why they react as they do. Then suggest that even though they are busy, what can you do to keep in touch and improve your communication.

With friends and co workers, it may be more complicated. People tend to view others with their own issues in the way. So if you live and work around people who are unhappy as a group or have a certain set of expectations, they may be putting those expectations on you. For example, living in a higher income neighborhood is a different experience than a middle class neighborhood. The expectations on behavior of the "group" is different for each set of people.

If you look at the situation and still cannot find an explanation, then you may need to find untraditional ways to make friends and develop social supports. On line forums with others who have similar interests, pen pals, joining different groups and church are all ways to meet different types of people and broaden your social circle.

You can also ask others who you trust for input about ways to improve. Be open to the responses and do your best to incorporate the suggestions into your life. Sometimes someone else's view can help you see things you were not aware of.

I hope this has helped you,
Kate
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5482
Experience: Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you

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