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TherapistMarryAnn
TherapistMarryAnn, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5802
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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i discovered that my husband has been watching porn online,

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i discovered that my husband has been watching porn online, it really bothers me. He doesn't do this all the time, maybe a few times a week, do i confront him?
Hello, I'd like to help you with your question.

If you feel concerned about your husband watching porn, then yes, confronting him is a good idea. Porn is a type of cheating in a relationship. It can cause trust issues and self esteem issues for the other partner.

A marriage is based on two people who love each other and put each other first. When someone in the marriage watches porn, it says that the person they are married to is no longer their first priority.

It also affects the sex life of both people in the marriage. The watcher begins to get their sexual needs met by "others" on the internet and the spouse feels "replaced" by the more perfect images in the porn. Married women can not live up to what is depicted on the screen in porn so they can feel insecure and insignificant.

By confronting your husband, you can bring the problem out into the open. He needs to think about why he prefers porn and he also needs to acknowledge the effect on you. Therapy can help you both unravel what might be going on either with your husband or in the marriage that might be affecting his choices. And a therapist can help you both reconnect and find ways to enjoy each other.

I hope this has helped you,
Kate
Customer: replied 4 years ago.

How do i bring this up? i have known about it for a while now, do i let him know that? Usually, what is a typical response from men? is this something many marriages encounter?

You can let him know that you need to talk with him then tell him what you saw him do including how long you have known. He may get defensive, he may admit to it. It depends on how he feels about it. Think through what you want to say if he does get defensive (it helps to stick to "I" statements on your part - "I feel....") and what you want to say if he admits to it (it helps to be prepared).

Yes, a lot of marriages do experience difficulties with porn. It is common. And it can be harmful. So therapy is a good option. Or if you go to church, a pastor can help as well. He needs to know why he does and you both need help working on bonding with each other.

Kate

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