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TherapistMarryAnn, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5763
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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I am falling for a man my sister use to date. shes married

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I am falling for a man my sister use to date. she's married with to kids but there still friends. They were seeing each other off and on for 4 yrs but have not been together for over 6. I feel bad because I know she dosen't want us seeing each other but I really want to give it a chance. I want happiness too. I am so conflicted.
Hello, I'd like to help you with your question.

There is nothing wrong with dating a man your sister is no longer with. You are not seeing him while they are together and your sister is married with kids, so there is no chance that they will get back together. (short of infidelity).

Your sister may have issues with you dating her ex but any issues she has have to do with her own feelings. She may see this man as "hers" and feel that any relationship he has with you is crossing boundaries. She may also be jealous because she may still have feelings for him. Another possibility is that she is still friends with him, essentially staying in contact to help herself feel that the relationship is still viable. Many people feel flattered when their ex's are still interested in them, even if it is just as friends and not as a couple. It proves that they were not rejected.

If you have already let your sister know you are dating her ex, then it is up to her to deal with her feelings about it. She needs to see that you are not doing this to hurt her but rather that you have feelings about him that are all your own. Tell her that you care about her and are not trying to hurt her but you want to give the relationship a shot. Let her know that you have no intention of getting in between the friendship that she still has with him and that you want her blessing on the relationship, even if she is not willing to give it right now. Talk about the good things about you and your sister, what you share. Reinforce your relationship and how important it is to you. Then let her work this out. If you just told her then it may take time for her to adjust. But if it has been a while, then you might have to just let her work it through.

I hope this has helped you,
TherapistMarryAnn and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 4 years ago.

Thank you so much for your help. I feel so much better!

You're welcome! Take care

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