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psychlady, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 6892
Experience:  Psychotherapist specializing in the treatment of a variety of mental health issues.
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HelloMy my child hood friend from elementry and now girlfriend

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My my child hood friend from elementry and now girlfriend of 2 years lost her 20 year old daughter to CF in may of this year ( May 4, 2012) she has been depressed. She wakes every morning and counts the days from when she passed. Its day 125 etc etc.. she says often that she hates her days her mornings and her nights with out her. and that she gets upset when people tell her that chelsea ( her daughter) is no longer suffering or is in a better place etc. this typically doesnt help. I have a6 year old some and she is extremely close to him she has added thingsa to both of our lifes that is amazing. and she always tells him she will never leave him and that she myself his mom and step dad will always be here for him. We also purchased a dog for my son, but in the back of my head it also gives her something to do or take care of sicne this seems to sooth her. My son has started back to school this week and since he went back she seems to of gotten more depressed.
she told be the njgith before last she wants to run away and hide in acorner and not have or anyone think its them that pushed her away or that she is made at me or them.
Yesterday she called me at work and told me she was taking the dog for a walk and she loved me and would see me after worm and she laid food out for dinner so we can cook together. i was excited as i always am. i got home and seen a letter on the counter saying I quote " I cannot pretend to be happy anymore i need to heal my heart and miss my daughter I am sorry jeanette". she took majority of her cloths but left some behind and other stuff as well. she took mostly her cloths and pictures of her daughter and even the dog we purchased for my son. I havent heard from her and havent tried to find or call her i think it would make it worse. i dont know if she is gone for good or a few days. I never lost a child and am not sure if i should sit back and give her a few days or draw a line in the sand if you will when my son gets home on wednesday as this will devistate him on several levels. i am hurt and upset but trying to not take this personally as she is greiving. what should i do or expect

You have identified the right process and that is the grieving process. In her grief, she may be denying herself the very support that she needs. People with such grief especially for a child often lack the ability for awhile to accept help or support from others almost as if they are not worthy. Unfortunately the grieving person has to be open to this support. Until then it may fall on deaf ears. Often the person realizes that they are worthy of support and even therapy. Sometimes this process even happens independently of the comfort of others. When someone loses a child they believe that this is the worst grief imaginable and that no other person's grief compares to their own. She may realize on her own that she needs the comfort of a relationship and that you have her best interest at heart but she has to believe that before she will be open to your help. Don't give up. She may call at any time.

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Customer: replied 4 years ago.

i guess that is the question i have a son and I am not sure do i wait for days or weeks or months or set a limit ?

I would decide first when you want to tell and use that as a limit. You don't want this to go on too long. I would think about what you want to say and find a time that is conducive to a healthy conversation
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