How JustAnswer Works:

  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.

Ask Alicia_MSW Your Own Question

Alicia_MSW
Alicia_MSW, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 629
Experience:  Specializing in mental health counseling
65143460
Type Your Mental Health Question Here...
Alicia_MSW is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

I have been married 24 years and am not really sure where my

Resolved Question:

I have been married 24 years and am not really sure where my marriage is at. My kids are out of the house and I find I am not happy where I am. My husband has a million reasons why he can't spend time with me and blows off my feelings. I am a successful professional, highly respected outside my home, but taken for granted by my family. I am tired of giving. Problem is I am afraid to leave. I have worked very hard to get where I am and am very comfortable with the material things
. I don't want to lose what I have, but "he"doesn't take my misery seriously. Where do I go from here?
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Alicia_MSW replied 2 years ago.
Hello,

I'm Alicia. Thanks for your question. I'm happy to help you today.

There are two main issues that I'm hearing in your message. One, you're feeling undervalued and underappreciated and two, there's a very big communication problem between you and your husband. It's somewhat common for couples who have been married as long as you have to fall into this type of pattern, especially once the kids are out of the house. Couples start to take each other for granted and the passion and love that started your relationship and kept things going for all these years starts to ebb out. That doesn't mean it's not there, lying underneath, but you both seem to have lost touch with it. I'm not hearing that you want to end your marriage, but I am hearing that you feel exasperated and at your wit's end as to how to proceed. It's important that the two of you are not just talking for the sake of talking - and that you aren't the only one making compromises. I say this because of what you said about changing what you do to meet his expectations. It's a two-way street, so he needs to be open to making certain changes, and start truly listening to the feelings you're experiencing.
One thing that might help is to see a couples counselor. Sometimes, the endless cycle of talking, talking, talking is just so unproductive because you're both not truly hearing what the other is saying. Seeing a counselor involves a neutral, third-party who can mediate and "interpret" feelings and thoughts and get to the root of what's really going on underneath. So this would be my first suggestion.
Next, it sounds like you're not really having enough time together to do "fun" things. It sounds like you both need to have time together to just let go and really be with each other and try to rediscover what it was that brought you together in the first place. I believe it's still there, or you wouldn't still be together. So it involves making time for each other (without other family members), and doing something carefree and fun to take your minds off of what's going "wrong". Too much focus on the wrong parts of the relationship can magnify them and make them seem completely overwhelming. I'd advise against the empty threats, because when you don't follow through, he starts to not take you seriously, if you understand what I mean here.
I think you might also benefit from just having some time to yourself, if you don't already give yourself some quiet time each day to get in touch with what "you" really want. Instead of making compromises for others (as I'm sure you've had to do your whole life, not just in your relationship but for your kids and your job, which is a normal part of life) you might want to spend some time just giving some thought as to what you want the rest of your life to look like.
If you are interested in finding a couples counselor, and your husband is also open to the idea, you can find one in your area on this website:
http://www.goodtherapy.org/

I hope that helps and I wish you luck. Please let me know if you have any further questions.
Alicia_MSW, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 629
Experience: Specializing in mental health counseling
Alicia_MSW and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 2 years ago.


Thank you. I agree with all you said. It confirms my ideas. Now I just have to convince him to "fix" out issues so we can get on with our life together!

JustAnswer in the News:

 
 
 
Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.
 
 
 

What Customers are Saying:

 
 
 
  • I can go as far as to say it could have resulted in saving my sons life and our entire family now knows what bipolar is and how to assist and understand my most wonderful son, brother and friend to all who loves him dearly. Thank you very much Corrie Moll Pretoria, South Africa
< Last | Next >
  • I can go as far as to say it could have resulted in saving my sons life and our entire family now knows what bipolar is and how to assist and understand my most wonderful son, brother and friend to all who loves him dearly. Thank you very much Corrie Moll Pretoria, South Africa
  • I thank-you so much! It really helped to have this information and confirmation. We will watch her carefully and get her in for the examination and US right away if things do not improve. God bless you as well! Claudia Albuquerque, NM
  • Outstanding response time less than 6 minutes. Answered the question professionally and with a great deal of compassion. Kevin Beaverton, OR
  • Suggested diagnosis was what I hoped and will take this info to my doctor's appointment next week.
    I feel better already! Thank you.
    Elanor Tracy, CA
  • Thank you to the Physician who answered my question today. The answer was far more informative than what I got from the Physicians I saw in person for my problem. Julie Lockesburg, AR
  • You have been more help than you know. I seriously don't know what my sisters situation would be today if you had not gone above and beyond just answering my questions. John and Stefanie Tucson, AZ
  • I have been dealing with an extremely serious health crisis for over three years, and one your physicians asked me more questions, gave me more answers and encouragement than a dozen different doctors who have been treating me!! Janet V Phoenix, AZ
 
 
 

Meet The Experts:

 
 
 
  • Dr. Keane

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1262
    Clinical Psychology PhD, Licensed Professional Counselor with experience in marriage/family, teens and child psychology.
< Last | Next >
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DR/Dr.Keane/2013-8-20_204325_drkeane.64x64.jpg Dr. Keane's Avatar

    Dr. Keane

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1262
    Clinical Psychology PhD, Licensed Professional Counselor with experience in marriage/family, teens and child psychology.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/RE/resolutions66/2011-1-17_05728_IMG8202smilingeditedforJustAnswer.64x64.jpg Elliott, LPCC, NCC's Avatar

    Elliott, LPCC, NCC

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    5024
    35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/formybunch/2010-12-06_191055_img_0975.jpg Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC's Avatar

    Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    3733
    Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DR/DrAkiraOlsen/2012-2-20_746_AkiraADpicmain.64x64.jpg Dr. Olsen's Avatar

    Dr. Olsen

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2336
    PsyD Psychologist
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/norriem/2009-5-27_134249_nm.jpg Norman M.'s Avatar

    Norman M.

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2193
    UK trained in hypnotherapy, counselling and psychotherapy and have been in private practice. ADHP(NC), DEHP(NC), UKCP Registered and ECP.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/PsychologyProf/2010-07-15_171248_logos060400409.jpg Dr. Michael's Avatar

    Dr. Michael

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2177
    Licensed Ph.D. Clinical Health Psychology with 30 years of experience in private practive and as a clinical psychology university professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/KURTEMMERLING/2010-07-23_215531_just_ask_picture1.jpg Steven Olsen's Avatar

    Steven Olsen

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1727
    More than twenty years of expertise in counseling, psychological diagnosis and education
 
 
 
Chat Now With A Mental Health Professional
Alicia_MSW
Alicia_MSW
Psychotherapist
288 Satisfied Customers
Specializing in mental health counseling