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Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5467
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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Im 56 years old. I have son, 32. Has minor health issues,

Resolved Question:

I'm 56 years old. I have son, 32. Has minor health issues, borderline hypertension and high cholesterol.
He will not listen and do something about his health or take physical.
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 2 years ago.
Hello, I'd like to help you with your question.

Getting someone to get treatment when they refuse is always difficult, especially when dealing with an adult that you have no control over. You want them to see the importance of taking care of themselves but for some reason, they refuse. It can be upsetting when you care about the person and they will not listen.

It may help to ask your son what he might be willing to do instead. If he will not see a doctor, are there any smaller steps he would be willing to take? Will he change his diet or be willing to at least explore information about hypertension and high cholesterol and see what changes he can make to help himself until he is willing to see a doctor? Any small step is better than none at all.

Another thing you might try is to ask your son why he refuses to be seen by a doctor. For example, he may have a fear of doctors or of medical procedures. If that is the case, he might be willing to see a therapist to talk out his fears. Or you could offer to go with him to his appointment and advocate for him.

Try asking other relatives to talk with your son. If he won't listen to you, he may listen to a friend or another relatives, especially if that person has the same type of conditions as your son. And if your son has children, you may want to point out that not caring for himself could hurt his children. They see him as an example of how to live and if he doesn't care for himself, then it shows them that staying in good health is not important.

If you have tried all of the above and he still refuses, you may have to let it go. Your son needs to make his own choices, even if they are not the best ones. And you do not want to create tension in your relationship by making this a big issue between you. You want to try to keep your relationship on good terms so you can keep an eye on him. And if things ever change and you can try again, maybe he will listen.

I hope this has helped you,
Kate
Customer: replied 2 years ago.

I have similar issues with my spouse, I have learned to let go and not let me bother me. I guess I should same with my son. thanks

Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 2 years ago.

It can be hard I know. You really want them to listen and care as much as you do. Keep trying and hopefully your son (and your spouse) will listen. You are doing what you can and that is what counts.

Kate

Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5467
Experience: Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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