How JustAnswer Works:
  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.
Ask Dr. Olsen Your Own Question
Dr. Olsen
Dr. Olsen, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 2336
Experience:  PsyD Psychologist
46062601
Type Your Mental Health Question Here...
Dr. Olsen is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

I have lived with a man for 4 years now and recently found

This answer was rated:

I have lived with a man for 4 years now and recently found out he is very secretive, meets women on live chat and lies about meeting women to me. The worst is he has a panty fetish. It goes beyond that. He spends around $100.00 or more a month on ebay for womens panties and hides them and rolls them into balls. They are all over and tries to hide them from me. I think this is a perverted obsession. What should or could I do except to leave. He refuses to go to a counselor as he says he is too old. He just turned 60. I also found pics of his penis with womens panties (lots of them stuffed all together in there. I printed them out and hid them. I think something is very wrong with him sexually and emotionaly. Any help or suggestions.
Hi there
Thank you for writing in here.
Let me ask you a few questions before I craft an answer :
Does he acknowledge he has a problem?
Is he open to couple therapy if he refuses individual treatment?
What makes you want to stay in this relationship?
Please reply.
I"ll work on my answer after I hear from you.
Customer: replied 4 years ago.


NO he does not No he won't go to therapy


I don't want to I cannot trust and he goes on the internet on f**k sites etc and very secrective, and narsisic. He has at least 800 pair of womens panties and puts a bunch in if he wants sex and I can't stand it.

Customer: replied 4 years ago.


NoNoI don't There is more. he is very secerative and likes to screw womens panties

Hi there,
Thank you for waiting.
It sounds your friend or partner has sexual problems and possible underlying problems such as sexual addiction and anxiety/depression based on your report. He meets many women and lies about meeting women to you. He collects/purchases 800 womens panties.
He may have a paraphilia.
A paraphilia is a condition in which a person's sexual arousal and gratification depend on fantasizing about and engaging in sexual behavior that is atypical and extreme. A paraphilia can revolve around a particular object such as underwear or around a particular act. The focus of a paraphilia is usually very specific and unchanging.
People with a paraphilia depends on that object or behavior for sexual gratification.

Yes, he needs treatment for his sexual problems and possible mood disorder such as anxiety and OCD.
Once he acknowledges he has a serious problem, he can change his problems.

Cognitive-behavior therapy (CBT) or Psychoanalytic therapy can be helpful for him in changing his addiction. He may find a psychologist specializing in addiction and CBT.

However, you said he is not seeking treatment for his problems.
It must be very difficult for you to be with him unless he receives treatment.
I would advise you to get support from a counselor for your own if you can't make decisions right now.
You may need courage to leave this relationship.
For your mental health, you may need to start seeing a counselor or therapist to deal with him.
Please let me know if you have more questions or I have overlooked any. Warm regards,
Dr. Olsen and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you

Related Mental Health Questions