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Ask TherapistJen Your Own Question
TherapistJen
TherapistJen, LCSW, CPC
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 3244
Experience:  Licensed Clinical Social Worker.
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My husband is a mommas boy and puts his mother first always.

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My husband is a mommas boy and puts his mother first always. She knows no boundaries and my husband never sets any. She is always in the middle of our marriage. We have a 17 month old daughter and I would love to move away from the chaos to be closer to my family on west coast. We have been married for three years and still I have no respect and honesty from my husband, what should I do next?

CoachJenK :

Hi. Welcome. I am a Licensed Master Social Worker with more than 20 years experience working with individuals and families on a variety of issues.

CoachJenK :

I am sorry to hear of this and sadly it is not uncommon.


 

CoachJenK :

You walk a thin line as it is clear he will defend and rescue his mother over you.


 

CoachJenK :

I am unclear as to why she would ask you to give her guardianship...that is a bit odd. How did your husband respond to that?


 

CoachJenK :

I am hoping that your husband supported you on your daughter only calling you Momma and not her?!


 

CoachJenK :

I will wait for you to come online so we can chat.


 

Customer:

Hi Jen,


 

Customer:

Thanks for responding. I am a bit overwhelmed. My husband and his family really do have alot of mental illness in their family specifically bipolar but none of them will admit it and seek professional help. My husband just laughs when I tell him things that his mother ever says. He told me that it is okay for our daughter to call her momma because he still calls his grandmother mom. I told him absolutely not!

CoachJenK :

I am so sorry to hear of it...I truly understand your overwhelm especially since this is not likely to change and it may be you having to give over as you have been on the little things and stick to your guns on the big things.


 

CoachJenK :

How were things before you got married or before you had your child?


 

CoachJenK :

Are you here with me?


 

Customer:

It has become worse since we married and had our daughter.


 

CoachJenK :

yes as I suspected.


 

CoachJenK :

i might do whatever you


can to protect yourself

CoachJenK :

sounds a bit crazy but do you document these things? such as requesting you sign over guardianship?


 

Customer:

I love my husband but I truly feel our marriage is one sided. i cant compete with his mother. Should I just use a notebook


 

Customer:

His mother has even gone as far as to call my daughters pediatrician pretending to be me and also questioning my parenting skills. I come from a big loving supportive family and I work as a neonatal nurse


 

CoachJenK :

and I agree that you cannot compete with her...this is a tough battle and you will always be the villain.


 

CoachJenK :

and what did the pediatrician do?


 

CoachJenK :

yes and keep things tucked away safely. I want you to do what you can to make sure there is a record of this behavior that terrifies you. You do not deserve to feel terrified.


 

Customer:

The pediatrician told me that I am a great mother. We now use a code word at the drs office so incase she calls again


 

CoachJenK :

that is so unreal and I am glad that they have seen this behavior so you have witness to it. and I can hear you are a great mother.


 

Customer:

The sad thing is that my husband thinks he treats me like gold, but in fact, there is alot of emotional and mental abuse


 

CoachJenK :

ok then may I be blunt and ask why you stay and don't return to your loving family?


 

Customer:

Thank you so much.


 

CoachJenK :

with your child?


 

Customer:

I want to go home just wasnt sure legally if I can take her to the west coast?


 

Customer:

I called today and made an appointment with an attorney for legal advice


 

CoachJenK :

I can hear how alone you feel and I am so sorry for that...I am here to support you.


 

CoachJenK :

I might suggest that you contact an attorney as well who specializes in family law so you can know what your options are.


 

Customer:

I truly appreciate it so much. I feel very scared and sad right now. Yes, the attorney is a family law attorney


 

CoachJenK :

There is no easy solution or fix here but it is important that you feel supported and not alone.


 

Customer:

I agree. My husband lost his job last week so things have been worse. I went back to work full time and my mother in law watched my daughter while I am at work because my husband claims he needs the time to look for work


 

CoachJenK :

ok so you have had contact with an attorney already?


 

Customer:

I meet the attorney next week


 

Customer:

I worry when my mother in law watches my daughter. They are not the healthiest people


 

CoachJenK :

I am so glad you are meeting the attorney next week. I can understand how you are feeling with her watching your child.


 

CoachJenK :

I hear it and I feel it too.


 

CoachJenK :

Do whatever you can to take care of yourself and your child.


 

Customer:

I just want to do the right thing. Thank you for listening. :)


 

CoachJenK :

the right thing is whatever makes you and your child feel safe!!!!!


 

Customer:

I agree. I know the first step is always the hardest


 

CoachJenK :

yes it can be...but you are living in a very hard space now


 

Customer:

Thanks again for your help. Yes, I feel that I am so scared of my mother in laws wrath. She would make my life miserable for life if I was to ever leave.


 

Customer:

I have always thought I was strong, but this situation has me feeling weak


 

CoachJenK :

I hear your strength...its there just buried a bit


 

CoachJenK :

I am here anytime you need support. I wish there was a magic solution. Take care of yourself and your child.


 

Customer:

So hard to believe people are so cruel and negative. My husband refuses to leave from our town. He wants to live next to his family.


 

Customer:

Thanks, XXXXX XXXXX Have a wonderful night.


 

CoachJenK :

so hard for you.


 

Customer:

yes but my faith keeps me going :)


 

CoachJenK :

come to me anytime. Just ask for CoachJenK.


 

Customer:

I will. I will come find you. Thanks again


 

CoachJenK :

Please take a moment to click on the rating tab. My goal is Excellent care. God Bless you and your daughter.


 

Customer:

Thank you. God bless you too


 

CoachJenK :

thank you


 

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