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TherapistJen
TherapistJen, LCSW, CPC
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 3317
Experience:  Licensed Clinical Social Worker.
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my husband drinks,admitts to being an alcoholic will not get

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my husband drinks,admitts to being an alcoholic will not get help,is VERY psycologically abusive and controling. I have left the marital home. I wanted so badly for this marriage to work it's the 2nd one for both of us. I stayed for 18 yrs. thinking that at some point it would get better. how do I stop myself from being so depressed about missing the thought of how it could have been.

CoachJenK :

Hi. Welcome. I am a Licensed Master Social Worker with more than 20 years experience working with individuals and families on a variety of issues.

CoachJenK :

I am sorry to hear of your pain. It is also quite common to mourn for what could have been.


 

CoachJenK :

leaving to take care of yourself was a good move but still is very painful.


 

CoachJenK :

has the counseling helped at all?


 

Customer:

not really, I was just told it was the right choice. I think I need help with moving on. When we married I moved from the east coast to the midwest and left my family,job, home,everything "i" had. so I feel that I lost so much and made such a bad decision


 

CoachJenK :

lets go easy on yourself around making that decision as you did it for love and what you hoped would be a wonderful life. Sadly he wont go for help and as you know unless he does things will remain the same.


 

CoachJenK :

The moving on is hard when we hang onto the ideas of what could have been. we do better when we look at the reality and acknowledge that with his behavior there would never be a could have been.


 

CoachJenK :

These aches can last a long time but that doesn't mean you cant move on and begin to feel happiness again.


 

Customer:

I think the part that bothers me the most is that we are divorcing and I feel it bothers me more than it bothers him and I know he is the one with the problem and after all these yrs, doesn't even want to try and amke it work. his answer to all of this is Oh well that's the way it goes...how can someone be so uncaring

CoachJenK :

and that is very hard but try as best you can to know that he isn't able to care for himself and acknowledge his feelings....that is why he drinks. so although it looks and feels that way to you, I am sure he is suffering and suffers every day with his alcoholism.


 

CoachJenK :

and you want to help him but if he doesnt want the help then nothing you can do to make it happen and that is also so very painful for you.


 

CoachJenK :

Here is a wonderful book on the topic. http://www.amazon.com/Loved-Youd-Stop-Really-Drinks/dp/0981684408/ref=pd_sim_sbs_b_5


 

Customer:

Yes I know you are right and it does me good to hear that from someone else. thank you I will read it.

CoachJenK :

dont lose sight of your strength as well which is so easy to do when involved or leaving someone with an addiction...it is so them focused that you can get lost and I want you to find yourself again.


 

CoachJenK :

If you are so inclined i would also recommend some relaxation and self hypnosis CD's.....there is a wonderful guy and you can hear his voice before you buy anything. His stuff is very wonderful. http://www.stevegjones.com/innerpeaceforwomenhypnosiscdmp3.htm


 

CoachJenK :

he has every topic but I gave you the link for inner peace but you can browse every topic if it interests you.


 

Customer:

I will try I know it takes time. thank you again!!

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