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Hello, I am Rafael. Thanks for asking your question - I'm here to support you. (Information posted here is not private or confident
ial but public).
I am very sorry to know a out this overwhelmingly painful and shocking situation.
Once you found out about these affairs you confronted him and he just totally disregarded your feelings, taking it as totally fine?
Hi, thank you for replying.
I see. How did you fi
nd out about it and how are you feeling?
I am very sorry to know about it, then he has already had previous affairs, and not it is obvious he has not
changed but continue to be dishonest and not loyal at all.
I can understand but only you know how painful and frustrating it is.
Unhappily reality has been showing you he does not deserve your trust and affection, sinc
e his actions shows he is not even able to respect you. As A catholic you know that when abuse or neglect, even more affairs like this happen, it means you have to come to terms with reality that such marriage has got very unhealthy and even church considers divorce as valid.
Unhappily there is no way to effectively cope with a scenario like this without going through pain everybody involved. At least your children are teenager so able to better understand the seriousness of this situation. Any codependency must be eradicated for you to take good care of yourself and to support your children in this process.
Perfect. Pleas be aware that in situations like this concrete help from your "support system" is essential, namely healthy and caring family members, close friends, and other mature and caring people in your life.
Obviously,professional psychotherapy or counseling support is necessary to for you to work on yourself and effe
ctively coping with this painful experience in your life.
Just be honest, direct, owning your feelings and focusing on the evidence, the facts that you know about. Let
him talk and from his words of accountability or denial you would know how to cope with is from that point with family and professional support.
Absolutely, this is unacceptable, very abusive, and that's why he needs to be confronted, you nor any other woman should
undergo such abuse and manipulation.
You decide about ? Could you clarify ?
I believe the situation here is much more complex than that.
You need to understand that hos words are not trustworthy and what he has done more than once would continue to happen unless he transforms himself, and for that to happen, he would need to work on himself for many months if not years m, with professional support and only is he happens to have enough respect and affection towards you, what does not seem to be the case. Despite that, you need to face the fact that he does not seem to be a healthy presence-life partner, that exposing to a situation like this could continue to undermine your health and well-being even more. SO there are many things that need to be
assessed here with a realistic approach.
I believe your husband needs professional and regular counseling support to work on his personal issues, real needs and expectations, only once he does that work, he would be able to play a healthy role in relationships. This process would never happen unless he chooses to be honest, taking full responsibility for his choices and actions and take consistent actions showing such changes. Again, that would not happen in a couple on months, that would take a lot more if it happens at all.
You cannot and should not take responsibility but for your own choices and actions, for taking good care of yourself and continue to support your children in healthy ways. This includes respecting yourself and not exposing to any form of abuse nor ne
glect, since doing so enables those who do not respect you to keep doing it.
Thank you for your trust. Please take gentle care and consistent action with all necessary support.
You're very welcome.