How JustAnswer Works:

  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.

Ask Dr. L Your Own Question

Dr. L
Dr. L, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 1166
Experience:  Psychologist, Marriage and Family Therapist
63993671
Type Your Mental Health Question Here...
Dr. L is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

My husband just makes me so sad. He is emotionally indeifferent

Customer Question

My husband just makes me so sad. He is emotionally indeifferent to me. We had no plans this weekend except staying home and spending time with our kids and today he said he felt trapped. I told him that he hurt my feelings by saying that and his reply was "I did not hurt your feelings, you allowed your feelings to get hurt". I dont even know what that is supposed to mean. But it is a pattern of behavior for him.
we have a lot of stress. We have a 6 month old boy and a 5 year old daughter who was diagnosed with leukemia almost one year ago. Since her diagnosis we have become a one income family, have had the stress of dealing with our daughter's health, etc. But eeven before her diagnosis he was like this.
Not sure how much more I can take of havig no emotional support and his passive aggressive meanness. My daughter would be devastataed if we separated and the stress would be terrible for her while in treatment. But I am sad and crying every day because of my husband.
Please help me figure out how to live like this
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Dr. L replied 2 years ago.

Dr. L :

Hello,

Dr. L :

Dr. L :

I am so sorry to hear the level of stress and distress that is happening in your life. I cannot imagine the difficulty and pain of having a child with leukemia. That is such a challenging situation! And...then you have an infant...and a husband who is indifferent. That is a lot of emotional turmoil to be juggling at one time.

Dr. L :

I am glad you are taking an antidepressant to help bring some emotional stability to your life. Do you feel the medication is working?

Dr. L :

Your husband's statement that he felt trapped likely feels unbelievable given how trapped you feel! You are the one trying to juggle all the balls and keep everyone happy and healthy!

Dr. L :

I can explain your husband's statement, "I did not hurt your feelings, you allowed your feelings to get hurt." But I don't think that explaining it is going to really make a difference for you. What will make a difference is if he starts listening to you, shows compassion to you, and makes an attempt to work as a team with you.

Dr. L :

The counseling sessions you had did not sound all that helpful. Labelling your husband as having Asperger's and telling you to "adjust"...did - and doesn't - solve anything. Again...that doesn't provide strategies for communication, partnering, and so forth.

Dr. L :

I understand your worry about separating and how that would impact your daughter.

Dr. L :

Would you be willing to try counseling again? This time with a counselor without Asperger's and someone very versed in martial therapy? If you aren't willing to go to couple's therapy...what about individual therapy?

Dr. L :

From what you have written...I would really encourage you to consider individual therapy as a way to gain the emotional strength to better handle the multiple stressors that are in your life currently. Being sad and crying every day is not the way to live. You deserve better.

Dr. L :

I see that you are offline right now. When you come back online I will be notified.

Dr. L :

I await your response.

Dr. L :

Thank you.

Customer :

I have considered individual therpay but it is difficult because I dont have anyone to help with childcare during the day. My husband travels with his job so when he does come home it is late. I have just started looking at online options.

I do think the antidepressant has helped some. When my son was born my daughter went into the hospital for an infection. The next day my son's lung collapsed, so I had both children in the hospital within 48 hours of a c-section. I was overwhelmed for awhile, but am not quite as "on edge". He is fully recovered and she has been doing great in treatment.

My biggest stressor is my husband. I wish he could understand and/or care how his behavior effects me. Maybe he does understand and just does not care. He has said over and over again that he does not do anything wrong - that I just take things wrong.

Customer :

I will definitely find a way to get individual counseling. You are right ~ I may not be able to fix things with him but I do need help learning to cope with all this stress.

Thank you

Dr. L :

Hello again...

Dr. L :

Yes...it does seem that individual therapy would be the best thing that you could do for you...and for your family. The antidepressant likely keeps you at an even keel so that you do not dip down into depression. But still...it seems that you need some new strategies for managing your relationship with your husband.

Dr. L :

I'm happy to hear that your children are doing well. That's a huge stressor off your shoulders! Still....therapy will give you new strength and energy.

Dr. L :

I wish you peace as you move forward with your life!

Dr. L :

Thank you!

JustAnswer in the News:

 
 
 
Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.
 
 
 

What Customers are Saying:

 
 
 
  • I can go as far as to say it could have resulted in saving my sons life and our entire family now knows what bipolar is and how to assist and understand my most wonderful son, brother and friend to all who loves him dearly. Thank you very much Corrie Moll Pretoria, South Africa
< Last | Next >
  • I can go as far as to say it could have resulted in saving my sons life and our entire family now knows what bipolar is and how to assist and understand my most wonderful son, brother and friend to all who loves him dearly. Thank you very much Corrie Moll Pretoria, South Africa
  • I thank-you so much! It really helped to have this information and confirmation. We will watch her carefully and get her in for the examination and US right away if things do not improve. God bless you as well! Claudia Albuquerque, NM
  • Outstanding response time less than 6 minutes. Answered the question professionally and with a great deal of compassion. Kevin Beaverton, OR
  • Suggested diagnosis was what I hoped and will take this info to my doctor's appointment next week.
    I feel better already! Thank you.
    Elanor Tracy, CA
  • Thank you to the Physician who answered my question today. The answer was far more informative than what I got from the Physicians I saw in person for my problem. Julie Lockesburg, AR
  • You have been more help than you know. I seriously don't know what my sisters situation would be today if you had not gone above and beyond just answering my questions. John and Stefanie Tucson, AZ
  • I have been dealing with an extremely serious health crisis for over three years, and one your physicians asked me more questions, gave me more answers and encouragement than a dozen different doctors who have been treating me!! Janet V Phoenix, AZ
 
 
 

Meet The Experts:

 
 
 
  • Dr. Keane

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1262
    Clinical Psychology PhD, Licensed Professional Counselor with experience in marriage/family, teens and child psychology.
< Last | Next >
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DR/Dr.Keane/2013-8-20_204325_drkeane.64x64.jpg Dr. Keane's Avatar

    Dr. Keane

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1262
    Clinical Psychology PhD, Licensed Professional Counselor with experience in marriage/family, teens and child psychology.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/RE/resolutions66/2011-1-17_05728_IMG8202smilingeditedforJustAnswer.64x64.jpg Elliott, LPCC, NCC's Avatar

    Elliott, LPCC, NCC

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    5024
    35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/formybunch/2010-12-06_191055_img_0975.jpg Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC's Avatar

    Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    3733
    Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DR/DrAkiraOlsen/2012-2-20_746_AkiraADpicmain.64x64.jpg Dr. Olsen's Avatar

    Dr. Olsen

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2336
    PsyD Psychologist
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/norriem/2009-5-27_134249_nm.jpg Norman M.'s Avatar

    Norman M.

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2193
    UK trained in hypnotherapy, counselling and psychotherapy and have been in private practice. ADHP(NC), DEHP(NC), UKCP Registered and ECP.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/PsychologyProf/2010-07-15_171248_logos060400409.jpg Dr. Michael's Avatar

    Dr. Michael

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2177
    Licensed Ph.D. Clinical Health Psychology with 30 years of experience in private practive and as a clinical psychology university professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/KURTEMMERLING/2010-07-23_215531_just_ask_picture1.jpg Steven Olsen's Avatar

    Steven Olsen

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1727
    More than twenty years of expertise in counseling, psychological diagnosis and education
 
 
 

Related Mental Health Questions