Hi! You know, to give you the best answer, I think I should ask you a few questions first that will help define the problem and the situation.
Your question is very evocative that there is so much behind the simple few words you write. Have you always felt this way?
Can you describe in what way this is an obsession? Is it affecting your life? How?
Was there trauma or abuse in your childhood? What about alcohol or dysfunction in your family when you were growing up?
Are you interested in medications to help? Or self help techniques? Or psychotherapy?
Are you getting any treatment right now? If so, what type? How is it going?
If not, when was the last treatment? What type of treatment was it? Was it helpful?
Any extra information that will help, feel free to share.
dr.mark. this is not me...truthfully. my mother just told me that she has proof that my 54 year old brother is in love with her. he has sent her explicit emails indicating he is love with her. and he exposed himself to her on vacation. let me tell you a liitle bit of his background. he has been married to same woman for over 30 years. he has been unemployed due to lay off , for abt 4 years. he seems happy in his marriage but does not have sexual relations with his wife in the past 4 years. my mother is very upset and don't know what to do , she is embarrased to talk to an exppert. also there is a language barier for her. i wish she did not tell me this. it is also affected me and how is persieve my brother now. but i am really worried abt my 75 year old mother. she is worried abt my brother if she cuts totall communicaations with him that he may do something drastic ...suicidal perhaps. i told her she needs to see some one to figure this out.. but she is confused why this behavior...is it 2 personalities ? is it depression my brother has. ? please advise thank you
Thank you for the replies to the questions and the added information. It helps a lot in understanding what the situation is. I believe I can now be of help with this issue.
I can imagine how embarrassing this situation must be for you. You are clearly a loving and caring son and a good brother. And this is a very abnormal situation. You have two choices here. One is to do nothing and the other is to get involved.
I don't know how to tell you which one to decide. Because this is very embarrassing and they are both adults. And you have the right to live your life. So if you choose to do nothing, you would need to continue to encourage your mother to take action by telling your brother to seek help. And that she can offer to go to a psychologist or psychiatrist with your brother to help him. But that is it. And then don't get any more involved.
If you choose to get involved because you are worried for your mother, then you will need to become more embarrassed. This is difficult, but you need to ask your mother to show you the emails he has sent. If she says she destroyed them, then you have to tell her you need to see the next ones he sends. Why?
I said this will be difficult and it is: you have to verify that your mother is not having delusions, that the problem is really with your brother. Your mother is older and she may be having her own problems that may be causing delusionary thoughts or misunderstandings. So you need to verify first who is having the problem here. Okay?
Once the problem is identified, if it is your brother, then you need to ask to see him personally and ask him to let you go with him to a psychologist or a psychiatrist to talk about the situation. Offer to go with him so it is not so scary to him. And then he will be in their care and he can get help.
Okay, I wish you the very best!
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