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RealSupport
RealSupport, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 3191
Experience:  MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
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Should I take my husband back after he has left me four times

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Should I take my husband back after he has left me four times between June 2011 and February 2012, for the woman he was having an affair with? He lived with her from the end of Feb.'12 until July 31. He has left her for good this time and has been living with his brother and sister in-law since July 31.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Hello, I am Rafael. Thanks for asking your question - I'm here to support you. (Information posted here is not private or confi


dential but public).

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I am very sorry to know about this overwhelmingly painful reality.


 

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Could you please tell me what could lead you to believe that your husband has literally transformed himself into a respectful, loyal, caring, honest and loyal person and husban


d?

Customer:

He has not had any contact with the other woman since he left her in July, and he regrets doing what he did. He says no matter what happens with us, he is never speaking to her again he is done with all that craziness, and he realizes what a huge mistake he has made in his life and our family.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

i see, but you also said that he left you 4 times already for the same woman, right? Meaning he did regret doing it before but went back to her, correct?


 

Customer:

yes

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Then my recommendation is for you to be very careful once it is facts, concrete actions what show you reality more tan words. is words has shown you were not led by honesty, respect not caring, but were manipulative and did not match his actions. The what even common sense points here is that what already happened with this person, could happen again with her or any other woman unless your husband happens to truly work on his personal and marital issues in order not to make the very same thing again. People do not get transformed in a few days or weeks. Real positive change takes months to years for developing, so please be very realistic and do not trust words.


 

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

if you want to give him another chance, please do not trust words and be ready to afford possible betrayals. You need to assess the pros and cons of each option and choose the one that you truly feel you want and are able to afford.


 

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

In case you choose to get him back, I do recommend you to set clear and assertive boundaries and limits, and set professional individual counseling for him to work on his personal issues and then marriage counseling as core requirements for you to work as necessary o the problems that led to this painful crisis in your lives.


 

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Does it make sense?


 

Customer:

yes I have mentioned counseling to him and he doesn't want to do that. He thinks we can fix this on our own. Our youngest son lives at home with me and he is against me taking him back. Our oldest son is married and lives out of town. Him and his wife are expecting their first baby in three weeks, and he told me if their dad was back they would not come home to visit, but I could come to their house all I want.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Then I am sorry but if your husband happened to be truly sorry and willing to change for good, he would not refuse necessary support to work on his personal and marital issues. His refusal shows his actions are not consistent with his words, and as just explained before, whenever that's the case, it would be very naive to trust a person in a scenario like this. Your adult children know both of you,a d they do have a


very clear opinion about your husband, which confirms the seriousness of past and present situation.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I sincerely XXXXX XXXXX recommend you to get him back this soon if you truly want to do that, but to wait and see if he truly changes his attitudes and behaviors and though actions shows you he is changing and gains back your trust and respect, otherwise it would be self-sabotage to get him back now, even more when he is refusing to work on the core issues that created and perpetuated this whole crisis.


 

Customer:

I do agree with you. I feel as though he would truly mean what he says if he would agree to counseling. I will try one more time to bring the subject up, if he refuses I guess I will have my answer.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I totally support you.


 

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Please focus on taking good care of yourself, improving self-respect, understanding, support and caring for you not to allow any


body to use, abuse or neglect you.

Customer:

Thank you so much for your advise. I believe I needed an objective person to talk to. Family are not objective.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Right, that's why professional counseling and psychotherapy exist, to support people when facing tough challenges and serious life issues.


 

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

You're very welcome.


 

Customer:

Can I talk to you at a later date to let you know how things are going?

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Absolutely. Just make sure to include my name in your request and I will reply ASAP.


 

Customer:

Thank you so much. I appreciate your time and advice.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

You're welcome. Take gentle care and consistent action.


 

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