Hello, I am Rafael. Thanks for asking your question - I'm here to support you. (Information posted here is not private o
r confidential but public).
I am very sorry to know about this frustrating and concerning situation.
Thanks to get back together me
You're very welcome
What you describe here is very serious, since you say she has been wanting to be out of the house all the time and leaving you and her son there, right?
Tes, to be with her friend all the time
I mean yes
The the episodes around her new dress, plus her continuous avoidance to discuss about things, all appear to be concrete red flags.
It does not seem good, once every relationship requires of mutual respect, honesty and consistency, real caring for each other and what you report here shows the opposite, it does not seem she has been doing this at all, nor deserving your trust.
I think it would
be very naive to trust a person who presents these patterns.
She said she never chat on me or even though about
I use to say that what a person says, words, could be useless and even very manipulative, never worthy if they do not match concrete actions. If a person tells you she loves you but shows lack of respect, honesty, car
ing, support, responsibility and more, then please do not trust words but see what reality is showing you.
She is became very confused about the situation like it was me did the bad thing, friends were taking her out all the time. She always ask me to take it slow cause she cannot manage every thing in her head in fact she became very busy with work.
And she as well told me her previous relationship affect her so bad she nearly went to mental house
Has she been getting regular psychotherapy or counseling
And now she doesn't want anyone in her life
No she hasn't, offer her to see one she was okay with it but now she doesn't want to go
When a person undergoes marital - couples issues, they do impa
ct on her life for sure, no doubt about that.
If she almost got inpatient treatment because of her nervous breakdown from such experience, it is obvious it was overwhelming . At the same time she has refused go get necessary psychological support to heal fro
m that, so there is no consistency between her words about wishing to be fine and her actions.
it is totally fine for her to relax even more is stressed from work, but that should not be used as a justification to avoid being responsible towards her son and you, which is what seems to be happening here.
She refuses to discuss about these core issues, then I do not see how things could get any improvement between you. Too many red flags. My recommendation is for you to assess the whole situation with as much objectivity as possible, reflect on the core needs and expectations you have for a relatiosnhip, see if she is able to share with you at that level or not, and then choose an action plan. if you choose to remain into the relationship with all these issues, I recommend you to be very aware of all thes
e issues and what you would have to afford in order not to get even more frustrated and shocked with potential new or worse issues.
It was pushing her a lot to be herself, be the woman I love, cause I feel that she was a bit lay back
All relationships have issues, but if they are not acknowledged with responsibility, they would undermine its very development and any potential for real healthy and fulfilling sharing.
Pushing does not help, but being passive when issues arise and undermine the relationship is equally dysfunctional. both, boundaries and respect are necessary.
In all my relationship it is always finish a bit like that the woman does feel like kissing me or have intimate time with me
could you please clarify what
you mean for me to better understand you?
At one point in the relationship I am starting to feel a pressure and becoming very protective because I'm not use to love girl, just night stand.
and they feel that I'm becoming too much for them and there is not exchange no kiss and no sec (even love it very me), that happens with me with 3 different girl. I think I cannot control my love
1st time she broke with me
2nd time had a ex in between
Right, relationships are very challenging, perhaps the most challenging experience people could face, and it is only through experience that we could learn to mature and develop better skills to understand ourselves and out partners.
You need to be very honest with yourself and learn to identify when serious issues arise for you to take good care of yourself
and not to allow people to manipulate you.
This is why i recommend you to take time to know the other person first as a friend for you to see how compatible you are about values, beliefs, life styles, expectations and needs, then to work on the relationship with realistic expectations but grounded on real honesty and respect, sinc
e when they are not present, nothing could evolve in healthy ways.
All what you just I'm doing too much and that's why my mum love that much she said you never let anyone change you for love
Your first responsibility is to respect, love and support yourself, from here you would know how to choose the right people and work on relationships, not allowing nay form of abuse or neglect.
You're very welcome.
So if I well understand she felt like not fitting in my life style or what I had to offer
I have to say she hate change
Right, your core needs and expectations just do not match. You need to work on respecting and being consistent with yourself, while she has to work on serious issues from past relationships and her inconsistencies, lack of openness, honesty, responsibility and
Without change how could she heal and grow?
She is the less confident person I ever met sexuel and to talk (even with her family)
then it is obvious she needs to work on herself with professional support, otherwise, attaching to "no change" approach would
not help to heal and grow.
Oh I break up with her yesterday so there is nothing I can do to help
Please focus on working on your
self while allowing her to do the same. She is the only one with the power so with the responsibility to make changes and improvements in her life.
She has a lovely personally when she talks I really love, I try it once cause I ask her but to square 1
Positive personality traits and very worthy, but they cannot neutralize and should not deny necessary work around the negative aspects of the person's ego.
I'm someone who is perfectionist always work on myself but I'm doing very fast now I'm talking to you all you tell me and good advice I will take it on board and react as is
Good then please work on yourself, but remember that improving yourself requires patience, gentleness, compassion, unders
tanding, real love and respect towards yourself. perfectionism alienates us since pushes ourselves in distorted ways. Please reflect on that.
I love charming in the relationship I really do, if I don't have it I'm lost cause I don't wanna cheat
Good insight followed by consistent action is the way to go, then i totally support your approach.
Thank you for your trust.
So I didn't anything wrong
I don't think so. Please focus on working on yourself, reflecting on lessons from this experie
nce and on making necessary improvements in yourself in assertive ways.
Bye for now.