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Their jealousy is so strong and negative, that I don't want to tell them where I go. Or one of them think that whatever I do or wherever I go, I have to include her.
Here is my take on the situation. For some reason, your relatives seem to make you feel vulnerable - you see them as intruders.
Of course, you could have told her that was none of her business, and please don't ask again in future - but what would that do for you? Your reaction to her question suggests that your thinking patterns are to some extent unhelpful to you. You said "Am I supposed to report to her where I go all the time." If you think about it, she did not ask you to do that. She simply asked you a perfectly polite and civil question which caused to much more upset than was needed. She was direct, but not rude to you by common standard of judgement. This may not be what you want to hear, but if you continue to magnify the negative all the time, you are going to become a very unhappy person. It's just not worth that, is it?
It would make your life a lot more comfortable if you could deal with that negativity, and
I’m going to suggest that you would benefit from some Cognitive Behavioral Therapy.
CBT is based on the fact that what we think in any given situation generates beliefs about, and reactions to that situation, and also causes the behaviour and feelings which flow from those beliefs and reactions.
These ‘automatic thoughts’ are so fast that generally, we are unaware that we have even had them. We call them ANTS (automatic negative thoughts) for short.
If the pattern of thinking we use, or our beliefs about our situation are even slightly distorted,
the resulting emotions and actions that flow from them can be extremely negative and unhelpful. The object of CBT is to identify these ‘automatic thoughts’ then to re-adjust our thoughts and beliefs so that they are entirely realistic and correspond to the realities of our lives, and that therefore, the resulting emotions, feelings and actions we have will be more useful and helpful.
Cognitive therapists do not usually interpret or seek for unconscious motivations but bring cognitions and beliefs into the current focus of attention and through guided discovery encourage clients to gently re-evaluate their thinking.
Therapy is not seen as something “done to” the client. CBT is not about trying to prove a client wrong and the therapist right, or getting into unhelpful debates. Through collaboration, questioning and re-evaluating their views, clients come to see for themselves that there are alternatives and that they can change.
Clients try things out in between therapy sessions, putting what has been learned into practice, learning how therapy translates into real life improvement.
Please visit this website for much more detailed information on CBT:
If you cannot afford to see a therapist, there are good free CBT based self-help resources here:
Also, there is a book called ”Feeling good - the new mood therapy” by Dr. David Burns. It has a hand book which gives you practical exercises to work through and further instructions on how to better use CBT. I really do recommend it.
Cognitive Behavioural Therapy Workbook for Dummies By Rhena Branch, Rob Willson is also pretty good.
Best wishes, NormanM
You can be honest and say, for example, "Right now, that's our little secret". CBT will help you to deal with these situations quite effortlessly.
Remember, you do have the right to say "NO" without explaining yourself. They'll get used to it.