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psychlady, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 6892
Experience:  Psychotherapist specializing in the treatment of a variety of mental health issues.
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Customer Question

I am routinely referred to as my wife's boyfriend by her children and the middle one's boyfriend - thats right - they are not married. The youngest outright ignores me, until she needs something from me. The boyfriend has insulted my guests, started a fight with them in my house, has stolen from me and has threatened to beat me up more than once. He lives with his mother, and my wife's middle daughter, and come to our home regularly. They don't pay rent, Utilities, groceries, either here or there, but without shame, help themselves to our home, fridve and pantry. They never do not have their oan liquor or drugs, and borrow money for their 2month old's diapers and formula. My wife refuses to see my side of this as it being a problem. I am no longer allowed to have my friends over because of the earlier fight. What is the problem here, and what can I do to resolve it other than divorce or sticking my head in the sand and ignoring it?
Submitted: 4 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  psychlady replied 4 years ago.

It sounds like this situation is very complex. Blended families are difficult but not impossible. For the respect level to change you have to get your girlfriend on board. If she allows disrespect and bad behavior then you can't change it alone. She has to have appropriate boundaries or her children don't have them either. Often the mate tries to gain respect but with the partner being complacent things can get out of hand. I would find a relationship counselor to show her that she is displaying no boundaries and the household is not working. She has to hear that bad behavior should have certain consequences. This can help you get along as a couple and a family. She has to present to them a functional relationship that has certain repercussions when you can't function within normal boundaries. You as a family may not be able to resolve this on your own. Try to move her towards addressing her children or challenge them as a couple. Without mom you will face minimal change.

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