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Hello, thank you for taking the time
Well, do you get overly anxious and stressed out during intercourse thereby making you unable to reach orgasm by which you do you mean ejaculation ?
Yes, there is quite a bit of anxiety and stress there. I get upset that I can't ejaculate from intercourse, and when we try and I'm failing again and again I feel alot of pressure to perform.
you see there is no need to panic as this problem that you are experiencing is called as Performance anxiety ..where in the individual has a too much of pressure during intercourse for being able to perform well and satisfy the partner so much so that he is unable to reach climax or looses erection midway of the sexual act..
But there is a remedy to take care of this .. so tell your fiance this and assure her that this is something which is only in your mind as you are able to reach orgasm by self stimulation..
The remedy to your problem is this as mentioned below..
Could my upbringing possibly be a factor? I was raised in a minister's home, and sex prior to marriage was highly frowned upon by my parents.
1) stop doing self stimulation or masturbation for a while , say 1-2 weeks prior to planning a sexual intercourse ..
yes ofcourse this is a very important factor as your mind automatically makes you feel guilty to indulge in sexual act prioer to marriage , yes this can be a very possible reason , no doubt about it.
Aside from the cessation of masturbation, what can I do to convince myself that sleeping with my fiance is ok and that I can relax?
2) you shall get in touch with a clinical psychologist and get started on therapy to deal with this issue of anxiety prior to sex , the psychologist will work with you to make you to rrelaxed and calm prior and during sex so as to reach orgasm by altering your thinking pattern which has been tuned in such a way that it makes you guilty and anxious before reaching orggasm , it is some kind of switch in your mind that turns off thinking that it is wrong to reach orgasm before marriage in a sexual act..
so the psychologist will alter this thinking pattern of yours ..
There was a period where I stopped masturbating for a bit, and it made things a little bit better.
I'm just scared that she's going to give up on us before I can get these issues addressed.
Thirdly , consult your family doctor and ask him to prescribe you and start you on klonopin that is clonazepam at dose of 0.25 mg twice a day for 1-2 weeks, this is an anti anxiety agent which will relax you and make you more calm while performing sex .. and once you are successful in reaching orgasm then you will be able to do this again and again without having to be on this drug..
So to sumarize..
1) explain to your fiance to please bear with you as this is a temprorary condition which has stemmed from the fact that you were brought up with a teaching that premarital sex is to be looked down upon and a strict no , so this weighs on your mind and disrupts the sex act and your performance , also do mention to her that you are able to reach climax by self stimulation. Also ask her to help you during the sex act by stimulating your private parts to reach climax and ejaculation and then work with her to rech the same during sex.. this may take a bit time but this wil certainly help..
2) stop self stimulation / masturbation for 1-2 weeks prior to planning sex..
3) seek therapy from a psychologist or you may even try sex therapy with your partner..
4) Ask your family doctor to start you on klonopin at low dose of 0.25 mg twice a day for 1-2 weeks prior to planning sex and also take it on the day of sex also to calm you down...
5) also be open about your feelings , your sexual fantasies with your fiance which you often use to masturbate and ask her to use them on you to titilate you and excite you sexually to reach orgasm..
a sex therapist may actually help both of you in making he sex more exciting for both of you..
I hope you have got an idea as to what to do to overcome this..
Do not worry ..
I did. Thank you so much again, for the time and for your help.
you will get past this .. just ask your fiance to be patient ..
and seek help from her..
to overcome this and use the above mentioned strategy..
Wish you all the best..