Hello, I'd like to help you with your question.
How long have you been together?
18 months. i was married 28 years. I'm seperated but not divorced. He has been on his own (divorced) for 15 years but has had a lot of girlfriends in between. He lived with someone for 3 years..
Thank you for the additional information.
It sounds like your partner might be narcissistic, just as you said. The behavior you describe fits the disorder. But what is also concerning is how he treats you as well. It seems that he may also fit a Narcissistic abuser, which is someone who is narcissistic and abuses verbally and emotionally because of it. People who have personality disorders often are abused in childhood. They cannot get their needs met by their caregivers so they alter how they behave so they can try to get the love and care they need. This becomes a problem as they grow into adulthood because they continue to behave in the same way even though they are no longer in the same situation as they were. This causes problems in their lives, especially in relationships.You describe a classic relationship with a narcissistic person. At first, all seems wonderful. They are attentive and you feel special. Then the symptoms start which are usually hard to spot at first. Blame and self centeredness are very common. They can seem to lack empathy and are sometimes mistaken for someone with Aspberger's disorder. They can be cruel and hurtful. And they put themselves first because of an overinflated sense of self. People with Narcissism rarely seek help. The very nature of the disorder is that they feel there is nothing wrong with them, only with others. So getting them to gain enough insight to see that they are the problem is very difficult. So therapy is highly unlikely. Unfortunately, the best response is to get out of the relationship. You can try to show your partner what you have found, but most likely he will reject it and try to blame you for hurting him. It can help for you to learn more about narcissism and how to cope with his reactions. Here are some resources to help:http://suite101.com/article/narcissism-in-a-relationship-a113185 http://narcissism-support.blogspot.com/2009/01/surviving-emotional-abuse.html Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men Lundy Bancroft I hope this has helped you,Kate
Kate. Thanks for your reply. He was adopted and has never met his birth parents. As far as I'm aware he had a good relationship with his adoptive parents and was never abused at all. He is adamant that his birth mother did him a favour. He has no interest in finding her. Both his adoptive parents are now deceased. Would I be able to contact you again tomorrow? If possible, I would like to forward you a letter I wrote to him a few months ago? I had a major argument with him tonight and I'm pretty upset, hence I'm still awake at 1.40a.m and I have work tomorrow!
I would be more than happy to continue working with you on any new questions you have. All I ask is that you remember to rate my answers for each new/different question you ask. Thanks!
Thanks Kate. I have to go to work now but I will contact you again when I have more time if that's ok..
Ok sounds good! Talk to you then.
Kate. Hi, I would like to maintain contact with you if that's possible? I haven't had time to write to you again in any detail but things have deteriorated further since I last contacted you. I am going out now but will contact you again later today or tomorrow if that's ok? Thanks,
That sounds good. I should be here later. If you would like, you can start a new thread or continue with this one. You just need to rate each answer as we go along.
Talk to you soon,