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Hello, I'd like to help you with your question.
It is not uncommon for adults who have been abused as children to show signs like your husband is showing. One way of coping is to avoid the feelings associated with what happened and to express them instead through anger, avoidance and depression. Because every person reacts differently to being abused, it can be difficult to tell how someone was abused unless they are willing to talk about it. Blocking memories from childhood is very common but most people can remember some of what happened to them, enough that they know they have been abused. Many kids grow up to be adults who are very skilled at hiding their pain, particularly ignoring the pain from their childhood. They may feel relieved at getting out of the situation and so they move on with their lives. They may avoid talking about it or any references to it and some even can have contact with the very parents that abused them without letting those feelings out. But the feelings do find a way out usually through behaviors like you describe with your husband.Your husband laughing about what happened to him as a child shows that it not only hurt him, but that he most likely was abused. No child who is cared for and loved fights and steals and thinks that is funny. Hurting the dog, the lack of sex and the lack of empathy about what you feel are also signs that something is wrong. You also describe him as stoic and robotic, which is another indication that he is not in touch with his feelings. If your husband is willing to work on his issues, he can feel better and improve your marriage. Unfortunately, he has to be willing. If he is, talk to him about going to therapy. It would be ideal for him to see someone individually first so he can get to the bottom of what is causing his behavior. Then you both can work on the marriage together. Also, he can work on his problems through self help. Here are some resources to help:http://www.ascasupport.org/ http://psychcentral.com/resources/Abuse/Support_Groups/ http://www.helpguide.org/mental/post_traumatic_stress_disorder_symptoms_treatment.htm
I hope this has helped you, Kate