Some additional thoughts and information for you to consider in all of this.
If both parties decide that they want to try and save their marriage, the next phase is the most difficult.
To begin with, it requires understanding the motivation underlying the affair and taking steps to change the factors which led the unfaithful partner to cheat.
People often lack insight into their own behavior, and if they do understand why they cheated, they often do not want to disclose this information with a spouse - thinking that doing so will only cause more problems. However, if the real issues are not identified, they are less likely to get resolved.
And by approaching this problem as a couple, it can empower a spouse, who has been cheated on, by providing a sense of control. Working together to fix the problem can bring back a sense of certainty or reassurance, which is important when trying to restore trust.
n addition to identifying the motivation underlying the affair, it is essential to candidly discuss the details of what happened. Again, most cheating spouses attempt to hide the details of the affair, thinking that telling the truth will only lead to more problems.
But, concealing the details of the affair, often leads to lingering questions, which if not addressed, are unlikely to go away on their own. And if questions linger, it can be nearly impossible for a spouse not to dwell on the incident.
Revealing the truth can be painful, but it is necessary when trying to move forward.
Both of these issues, identifying the motivating factors underlying the affair and discussing the details of what happened, are difficult for most couples to manage. These tasks require tremendous insight and effective communication skills. If these two issues are not handled effectively, it can lead to further problems - more anger, resentment and frustration.
Given the difficulty of this couples counseling may be needed.
Please post any comments or questions you may have.