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Ask Coach Jen K. Your Own Question

Coach Jen K.
Coach Jen K., LMSW, CPC
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 1744
Experience:  Licensed Master Social Worker. Certified Life Coach
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What makes a married man of 49 years go to an online dating

Customer Question

What makes a married man of 49 years go to an online dating network and say he is single when I have been so ill with a heart condition and lung problems? he was also making sex calls.
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Coach Jen K. replied 1 year ago.

CoachJenK :

Hi. Welcome. I am a Licensed Master Social Worker with more than 20 years experience working with individuals and families on a variety of issues.

CoachJenK :

I am sorry to hear of these difficulties and during a time when you are suffering with some physical ailments.


 

CoachJenK :

It is not uncommon that during times of physical ailments with a spouse that the fear can lend itself to reaching out elsewhere to alleviate the stress.


 

CoachJenK :

this in no way excuses his behavior but it may shed some light on it a bit.


 

CoachJenK :

It is shattering and can certainly cause this insecurity and rightly so. your trust has been broken.


 

CoachJenK :

what is he willing to do to regain your trust?


 

CoachJenK :

I will wait for you to come online so we can chat.


 

Customer:

We have been going to counceling but my fear is that it could happen again, could he be a sex addict he is not really into sex because of the ed because of medical problems and the pills do not help. If he is ot interested in sex why did he make the sex phone calls, he said it was to make him feel more of a man but I wonder, he also masterbated when making these calls, he says he was a fool for doing it and it will never happen again. That he loves me and wants to make up for the past. My self worth is so low from all of this and it is hard for me to be happy or feel about him the way I did.

Coach Jen K., LMSW, CPC
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 1744
Experience: Licensed Master Social Worker. Certified Life Coach
Coach Jen K. and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Expert:  Coach Jen K. replied 1 year ago.
Hi Cathy,
I know how hard it is to regain trust. I think he may be reaching out to others to increase his self esteem but the difficult part is that it is thoughtless and a detriment to your self esteem. I am glad you are in counseling and that is the way to work through all of your feelings around this. do I think it will be his last time doing this? Not sure, but I do suggest that he also get into individual therapy so he can address his issues that are leading him down this road. If he is able to do that then there is a chance that he can give up this behavior, but if he doesn't understand why he does this then most likely it will continue.
your health is crucial and I want you to focus on you and your strength.

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