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Hi Kristen, I'd like to know your professional opinion again. Since I last wrote you a lot has change and Im in the process of serving my husband. In the last month Mark has locked me out of our house so I have only my clothes and jewelry. I had a retirement check that I have him half of and he brings home 10,000 a mont and has not given me a dime. He's been calling my sons and telling them to call me and tell me to come home and basically guilting them and has told them, "if it was my parents I would call," using guilt. My husband told me several things that the boys have told them and they were lies, using them to guilt me. He told me if I didn't come home he was going to smear my name and reputation and then 5 minutes later telling me he loves me. I've never seen this side of him and It makes me feel like he was hiding his true self. Several friends have told me they have always thought mark was abusive and a couple have sent me articles about what an abusive relationship looks like and a lot fit, a lot...How can I have lived in an abusive relationship with so many things that fit and not know it... It makes me feel crazy, can that happen??
From what you have described here your husband is behaving in an emotionally abusive way towards you. Such as threatening to ruin your reputation if you don't do what he says, using the boys against you (which is also abusive towards the boys) and
locking you out of the house, etc.
What you need is a good divorce attorney to help you with this. This behavior needs to stop now and he obviously thinks he can treat you this way without any consequences.
You need to show him there are consequences to his behavior! You also need to learn about what your legal rights are in this divorce as you do have many. He is trying to bully you right now to have you come back. That is definitely not a good sign. You also need to shield your kids from this chaos and focus on taking care of yourself. It's common to not realize you may have been in an abusive marriage, as people get accustomed to their daily lives and start to lose perspective about what is okay and what is not. It doesn't mean you are crazy but simply that you have become conditioned over the years towards his behavior. It's like being in a job that is not good for you, and then once you leave it and are away from the situation, you can see things more clearly. So, yes it can happen and it does happen. What is important NOW is what you do from this point forward. So, do get solid legal advise, and start taking care of YOU and doing what is best for you and your future. You will want to consider really limiting the contact you have with your husband at this time, as he is being manipulative and this is going to drag you down.
Please let me know if you have any more questions. Thank you!
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