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psychlady
psychlady, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 6892
Experience:  Psychotherapist specializing in the treatment of a variety of mental health issues.
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Am thinking of asking for a trial separation from my husband.

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Am thinking of asking for a trial separation from my husband. Not sure about or ready for divorce. Think separation may help us each see more clearly in what we really want.

I Have been unhappy for a couple of years, brought issues up, and he buries his head in the sand and hope things change on their own. I feel if they haven't changed yet, they are not going to. I feel there is a lack of emotional support from him, lack of financial security for the family, and we really have nothing in common but the kids.

He is a great guy, hard worker, and great father to the kids, but a husband he is not. I feel like I am living with a good friend, not a husband. I have told him how I feel, and he doesn't seem to be getting it.

Not sur

It sounds like you know what you want and you must respect those wishes. If he wanted to change he wouldn't be resistant to counseling and with that decision any outside guidance is impossible. It takes both of your efforts to mend the relationship and sometimes a relationship is just not destined to be long term. You should be true to what you feel is best. Relationships can change for the better but some are too fractured for long term change. You should do what you feel is best and that means not staying in a relationship sheerly out of obligation. You have gotten advice and your feelings are too much like friendship to change. I would say that separation is useful at times and can cause both of you to reflect deeply on this relationship. See where your husband stands with this idea but be true to what you want

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Customer: replied 4 years ago.


Since I have told him I still care about him, but not like a wife, have not been happy for some time now, pointed out things I want, need, and pointed out we have nothing in common, and mentioned i would like to have some time to myself away from this situation to re-evaluate things, he has become very jealous, possessive, is very worried about infidelity, etc. Seems like he needs to know where I am at all times, etc. (All new for him)


 


I have never been with anyone else since I have known him, and am not looking for space to find someone else. Just want to make sure this is what I want, and deal with the problem at hand. Is this a normal reaction? Is this Fear on his part? He has never been jealous before. I told him the jealousy is not helping the situation. If anything, pushing me farther away.

He may just be feeling insecure knowing that you are not invested in this relationship. His anxiety over the break up is causing him to overcompensate. You have to establish what boundaries you are going to follow and function under them. You have to establish that you don't want to be in this relationship. Eventually he will realize that this isn't about cheating. This is a normal reaction because he is trying to scramble to keep you from being by yourself. This is fear and the actions are out of fear and a fear of change. He may act out of jealousy right now because you don't want the relationship. Just be understanding.
Customer: replied 4 years ago.


He keeps saying "i love you" to see how i respond. Sometimes I say, "I know", sometimes "Thank you", sometimes "luv ya" (which I do like I would a good friend, and I do say that to my friends). Is saying "luv ya" wrong, and giving him false hope for something more? Is that something I should quit all together until he realizes the direction we are going and understands my limits when saying that?

Maybe you can refrain from reference to love until things improve. You don't want to offer reassurance where there is none. I think he is asking for feelings that may not exist. Focus on the direction and stick with thanks or I know
Customer: replied 4 years ago.


Thank you! You have been a big help! I realize it will take time, and not happen overnight, and will take patience!

Best wishes
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