How JustAnswer Works:

  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.

Ask psychlady Your Own Question

psychlady
psychlady, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 6886
Experience:  Psychotherapist specializing in the treatment of a variety of mental health issues.
Type Your Mental Health Question Here...
psychlady is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

Am thinking of asking for a trial separation from my husband.

Resolved Question:

Am thinking of asking for a trial separation from my husband. Not sure about or ready for divorce. Think separation may help us each see more clearly in what we really want.

I Have been unhappy for a couple of years, brought issues up, and he buries his head in the sand and hope things change on their own. I feel if they haven't changed yet, they are not going to. I feel there is a lack of emotional support from him, lack of financial security for the family, and we really have nothing in common but the kids.

He is a great guy, hard worker, and great father to the kids, but a husband he is not. I feel like I am living with a good friend, not a husband. I have told him how I feel, and he doesn't seem to be getting it.

Not sur
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  psychlady replied 1 year ago.

It sounds like you know what you want and you must respect those wishes. If he wanted to change he wouldn't be resistant to counseling and with that decision any outside guidance is impossible. It takes both of your efforts to mend the relationship and sometimes a relationship is just not destined to be long term. You should be true to what you feel is best. Relationships can change for the better but some are too fractured for long term change. You should do what you feel is best and that means not staying in a relationship sheerly out of obligation. You have gotten advice and your feelings are too much like friendship to change. I would say that separation is useful at times and can cause both of you to reflect deeply on this relationship. See where your husband stands with this idea but be true to what you want

Please choose positive feedback so that I am compensated

Customer: replied 1 year ago.


Since I have told him I still care about him, but not like a wife, have not been happy for some time now, pointed out things I want, need, and pointed out we have nothing in common, and mentioned i would like to have some time to myself away from this situation to re-evaluate things, he has become very jealous, possessive, is very worried about infidelity, etc. Seems like he needs to know where I am at all times, etc. (All new for him)


 


I have never been with anyone else since I have known him, and am not looking for space to find someone else. Just want to make sure this is what I want, and deal with the problem at hand. Is this a normal reaction? Is this Fear on his part? He has never been jealous before. I told him the jealousy is not helping the situation. If anything, pushing me farther away.

Expert:  psychlady replied 1 year ago.
He may just be feeling insecure knowing that you are not invested in this relationship. His anxiety over the break up is causing him to overcompensate. You have to establish what boundaries you are going to follow and function under them. You have to establish that you don't want to be in this relationship. Eventually he will realize that this isn't about cheating. This is a normal reaction because he is trying to scramble to keep you from being by yourself. This is fear and the actions are out of fear and a fear of change. He may act out of jealousy right now because you don't want the relationship. Just be understanding.
Customer: replied 1 year ago.


He keeps saying "i love you" to see how i respond. Sometimes I say, "I know", sometimes "Thank you", sometimes "luv ya" (which I do like I would a good friend, and I do say that to my friends). Is saying "luv ya" wrong, and giving him false hope for something more? Is that something I should quit all together until he realizes the direction we are going and understands my limits when saying that?

Expert:  psychlady replied 1 year ago.
Maybe you can refrain from reference to love until things improve. You don't want to offer reassurance where there is none. I think he is asking for feelings that may not exist. Focus on the direction and stick with thanks or I know
Customer: replied 1 year ago.


Thank you! You have been a big help! I realize it will take time, and not happen overnight, and will take patience!

Expert:  psychlady replied 1 year ago.
Best wishes
psychlady, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 6886
Experience: Psychotherapist specializing in the treatment of a variety of mental health issues.
psychlady and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you

JustAnswer in the News:

 
 
 
Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.
 
 
 

What Customers are Saying:

 
 
 
  • I can go as far as to say it could have resulted in saving my sons life and our entire family now knows what bipolar is and how to assist and understand my most wonderful son, brother and friend to all who loves him dearly. Thank you very much Corrie Moll Pretoria, South Africa
< Last | Next >
  • I can go as far as to say it could have resulted in saving my sons life and our entire family now knows what bipolar is and how to assist and understand my most wonderful son, brother and friend to all who loves him dearly. Thank you very much Corrie Moll Pretoria, South Africa
  • I thank-you so much! It really helped to have this information and confirmation. We will watch her carefully and get her in for the examination and US right away if things do not improve. God bless you as well! Claudia Albuquerque, NM
  • Outstanding response time less than 6 minutes. Answered the question professionally and with a great deal of compassion. Kevin Beaverton, OR
  • Suggested diagnosis was what I hoped and will take this info to my doctor's appointment next week.
    I feel better already! Thank you.
    Elanor Tracy, CA
  • Thank you to the Physician who answered my question today. The answer was far more informative than what I got from the Physicians I saw in person for my problem. Julie Lockesburg, AR
  • You have been more help than you know. I seriously don't know what my sisters situation would be today if you had not gone above and beyond just answering my questions. John and Stefanie Tucson, AZ
  • I have been dealing with an extremely serious health crisis for over three years, and one your physicians asked me more questions, gave me more answers and encouragement than a dozen different doctors who have been treating me!! Janet V Phoenix, AZ
 
 
 

Meet The Experts:

 
 
 
  • Dr. Keane

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1262
    Clinical Psychology PhD, Licensed Professional Counselor with experience in marriage/family, teens and child psychology.
< Last | Next >
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DR/Dr.Keane/2013-8-20_204325_drkeane.64x64.jpg Dr. Keane's Avatar

    Dr. Keane

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1262
    Clinical Psychology PhD, Licensed Professional Counselor with experience in marriage/family, teens and child psychology.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/RE/resolutions66/2011-1-17_05728_IMG8202smilingeditedforJustAnswer.64x64.jpg Elliott, LPCC, NCC's Avatar

    Elliott, LPCC, NCC

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    5024
    35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/formybunch/2010-12-06_191055_img_0975.jpg Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC's Avatar

    Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    3733
    Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DR/DrAkiraOlsen/2012-2-20_746_AkiraADpicmain.64x64.jpg Dr. Olsen's Avatar

    Dr. Olsen

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2336
    PsyD Psychologist
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/norriem/2009-5-27_134249_nm.jpg Norman M.'s Avatar

    Norman M.

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2193
    UK trained in hypnotherapy, counselling and psychotherapy and have been in private practice. ADHP(NC), DEHP(NC), UKCP Registered and ECP.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/PsychologyProf/2010-07-15_171248_logos060400409.jpg Dr. Michael's Avatar

    Dr. Michael

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2177
    Licensed Ph.D. Clinical Health Psychology with 30 years of experience in private practive and as a clinical psychology university professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/KURTEMMERLING/2010-07-23_215531_just_ask_picture1.jpg Steven Olsen's Avatar

    Steven Olsen

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1727
    More than twenty years of expertise in counseling, psychological diagnosis and education