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Ask TherapistJen Your Own Question
TherapistJen
TherapistJen, LCSW, CPC
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 2909
Experience:  Licensed Clinical Social Worker.
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My husband never sticks up for me and its driving me crazy.

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My husband never sticks up for me and it's driving me crazy. I have constantly told him how it makes me feel when he abandons me. He says he's sorry and then soon enough, we're back at square one again. He just repeatedly, no matter what will never be on my side. Whether it's work related issues, or his family-even if I'm right and he knows I'm right. he always automatically leaves me stranded by myself to look like a fool. Does this mean that he has no respect for me and that he doesn't love me anymore? I feel like he couldn't possibly love someone that he can't defend no matter what.

CoachJenK :

Welcome back


 

CoachJenK :

This goes back to our earlier discussion a while back. It seems that his insecurities come out during these times and he needs to be right and cant protect you in those moments. I think it has less to do with whether he loves you and more about his own lack of self esteem


 

Customer:

Sometimes, it has nothing to do with him though. For example when I'm bummed about something work related. It's like he looks for reasons not to side with me


 

CoachJenK :

because he isnt and hasnt been supportive of you....on any level.


 

CoachJenK :

when you ask him why how does he respond?


 

Customer:

when I ask about his opinion you mean?


 


 

CoachJenK :

no when you ask him why he isnt supportive or wont take your side.


 

Customer:

he says "it's not that I'm not taking your side, I just need to see the whole picture so that I can give you an honest opinion"

CoachJenK :

and when he says that do you say, I am not asking you for your opinion or the big picture, I am just asking for you to support and acknowledge my experience.


 

Customer:

sometimes I've said that. He just says that he has to think about it. I just wish he could support me without having to evaluate the situation


 

CoachJenK :

I agree and that is what you


deserve.

CoachJenK :

but somehow even in these situations he needs to take the lead and give you the big picture or his opinion rather than just listening and supporting so again it comes down to his inabilities but I dont see it as him not loving you and more of his personality style.


 

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