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psychlady, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
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Experience:  Psychotherapist specializing in the treatment of a variety of mental health issues.
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I havent called my family in 8 months, and I feel so guilty.

Resolved Question:

I haven't called my family in 8 months, and I feel so guilty. Every day I know they are judging me, and I feel horrible
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  psychlady replied 2 years ago.

No one is an "awful" person just for not having supports. People stop communicating with family for many reasons. Some are valid and some are not. You have to first identify why you feel they are judging you. What situations bring this feeling to fruition. Is there a particular reason for this or is it an overall statement. Sometimes we feel certain things and they are simply our perceptions. Decide why you feel judged and if through a better relationship these feelings can be resolved. You shouldn't have any relationship that is toxic to your well being. If the relationships are not healthy ones then you have every right to keep your distance.

If the relationships could be healthy then ask yourself who you want to respond to and why. You may choose to be in contact and reunite with some members and not others. Choose only what is healthy for you and seek out those relationships. You are free to ask certain members to be part of your life without allowing negativity.

If you genuinely feel they are judging you then you may be legitimate in not having a relationship. Only you can decide what you need and what you want. Don't be in any relationship out of obligation. It should be beneficial and positive. If you choose to distance yourself then do no apologize to anyone for your choices.

Please choose positive feedback so I am compensated

Customer: replied 2 years ago.
My boyfriend tells me family is the only thing I have, and I tell him I believe u are my family, why can't u believe in me. He says that he cannot be with someone who doesn't value family, but I love my family. He shuts me out and says he can't be with me. He then comes back, but I always feel he can't work through difficult times, and I think about when he'll leave next time.
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Relist: Answer came too late.
Expert:  psychlady replied 2 years ago.
Do you still want a response
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Yes
Expert:  psychlady replied 2 years ago.
I agree with everything. He should be able to work through anything with you rather than coming and going. It shows that he has poor conflict resolution skills to hold this against you and leave. It does cause you to be concerned if he can't support you about this. Your decision should be yours alone. It doesn't mean you don't value family just because you have concerns about them. He shouldn't jump to that conclusion. Instead of forcing you to have relationships you don't want. He should instead be concerned with how to make your life better.
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
He says I don't communicate with him, I don't call him during the day to say I love him or how are you. I show him loving jestures in other ways. To me what u do is better than what u say. He is happy and fine for a while, then he says we are just to different.
Expert:  psychlady replied 2 years ago.
I agree. I would find a compromise in being verbal and emotional. If you truly find this need to call too cumbersome then simply be honest and let him know that is not something that you feel you need to do. Sometimes differences are good and sometimes they are not
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
If I tell him I will try harder, he just says it's not possible u are who u are I know u won't change. He says he can't get over things and sees only the bad.
Expert:  psychlady replied 2 years ago.
Anyone can change and he should have some faith. If he only sees the bad then maybe the issues lies with him. He should have confidence that you can try instead of being so negative
psychlady, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 6886
Experience: Psychotherapist specializing in the treatment of a variety of mental health issues.
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psychlady
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Psychotherapist specializing in the treatment of a variety of mental health issues.