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Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5402
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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My ex girli was with a woman for seven years. We had an on

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My ex girli was with a woman for seven years. We had an on again off again relationship. She was always the one who wanted to break up. Last summer it happened again and I tried to be done with her. She six months later she was starting to pull me back in, then said we should move on and date other people. She had never said this before. I was kinda crushed. She said she had to do this for herself and we both needed to let go. So she immediately starts dating this new guy and says she is so happy. She never broke contact with me and after my tears and telling her how much I loved her and that I didn't know how to let the love of my life go, I started playing it very cool. I gave her space, didn't contact her unless she contacted me. Then, 4 months into their relationship, he proposes and she accepts. Our contact still continued. I broke all contact for 3 weeks. She starts texting me that she dreams about me. 3 months after that we are having sex. Once a week in the month of July. She kept saying she was having second thoughts about the marriage. Last week I asked if she made any decisions about the wedding and says she's going through with it... In 5 weeks. 9 months with this guy and married. I have plenty emails to prove she cheated on him and she told him we weren't even talking anymore. My question is this: should I expose her for the cheating liar that I now know her to be by fowarding some of the saucey emails she sent me to her future father in law? He already suspects she is not over me and has mentioned not going to the wedding because of it (a friend of mine works with him and overheard him say this). Regardless of whether I do that or not, I will NEVER have any contact with her again as I have seen what she is capable of doing. I'm not niave enough to believe that she wouldn't do the same to me
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 1 year ago.
Hello, I'd like to help you with your question.

It is always tempting to want to hurt the person that hurt you. And it sounds like this woman did hurt you. She was in and out of your life, she was not honest about her feelings, and she is cheating on her current boyfriend with you.

It appears that she has many issues when it comes to being faithful and sticking with her decisions about her relationships. And she also seems to be putting her feelings first and may not be concerned with who she is hurting by behaving as she does. It is very smart of you to stay away from her by ending the relationship and refusing communication with her. Getting pulled back into the relationship would be very easy so cutting of contact is the best way to deal with it.

Exposing her cheating by sending the emails to her future father in law may seem like a great idea. And it may end her relationship. But it could also backfire onto you. Her fiancé may not believe the emails or he may just defend her anyway, choosing to not believe that about her. She may also try to explain them as you being angry and trying to cause trouble. And even if they do break up, she may just move on to the next guy and do the same thing.

The best "revenge" you can get is to move on and never have contact with her again. You may find that over time, you can put what she did in the past. Use your time and energy to find a new relationship that makes you happy with someone who will be faithful.

I hope this has helped you,
Kate

If you're satisfied with my response, please rate me highly. Thanks!
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
I don't even care if it breaks them up or bonds them stronger. My reward will be the truth coming out. I don't really feel all that angry right now... A tad hurt maybe. I think SOMEONE needs to expose her for the phony she is. She has everyone fooled, had me fooled for a long time even though I knew she cheated on her 1st husband. Who knows if she cheated on me? It just seems like poetic justice because she really cares what others think of her.
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 1 year ago.

I can understand how you feel. And if you feel that any consequences are worth exposing her, then it may be ok for you to do so. As long as you are ok with her not breaking up or if anyone becomes angry with you, then you are within your rights to let others know what she is doing.

Kate

If you're satisfied with my response, please rate me highly. Thanks!

Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5402
Experience: Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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