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Norman M.
Norman M., Principal psychotherapist in private practice. Newspaper contributor, over 2000 satisfied clients on JA
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 2568
Experience:  ADHP(NC), DEHP(NC), ECP, UKCP Registered.
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I am 43 years old and married, we havnt had full sex in 2

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I am 43 years old and married, we havn't had full sex in 2 years but often masturbate each other. I need penetration but my wife doesn't. I often maturbate alone and find myself wanting to do it in more dangerous situations eg in my car, in the park as I have a broad range of fantasies I have never fufilled I hope I never disturb other I'm worried one day I get caught
In order for me to help you, I need to know why you think you need penetration, and why you think she does not want it. Have you asked her why?

Let me caution you right now. I am sure you understand that you are in a very vulnerable and dangerous place, facing the loss of your marriage and severe criminal penalties if you keep going down this path, so before I answer your question, I'd like to know if you are open to seeking and accepting professional help.

Regards, Norman.
Customer: replied 4 years ago.


Yes I need help to control these urges

Customer: replied 4 years ago.


worries about pregnancy. don't want more children, does not like pill/condoms. I feel op on myself would not make a change due to her cleanliness


 

She needs to understand quite clearly how this is making you feel - unloved, unwanted, rejected I suspect. This is something you both must talk about, but calmly and without blaming or shaming. Make it clear that what you want is something very, very important to you, and that her refusal is starting to put the relationship at risk.


I think it would be

beneficial too if you both saw a sex therapist to get you over this difficult time.

As far as your own masturbation is concerned, if you simply try to ignore any stimulation, the problem will get worse, and there is a fair chance that you will do something dangerous or in appropriate.

I don't think that the answer is to stop it entirely, but to do so in a 'safe' environment.

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