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psychlady
psychlady, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
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Experience:  Psychotherapist specializing in the treatment of a variety of mental health issues.
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My husband has a roving eye for potential females

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My husband has a roving eye for potential females and this holiday we went with his sister, brother in-law, 7 year old nephew and 13 year old niece to a summer holiday where I noticed he decided to regard his 13 year old niece as this occasion's flirt object. I immediately noticed his positively changed behaviour toward his niece, as in previous years he made both the niece and nephew cry for calling them annoying. His behaviour towards his brother-in law changed also positively because in previous year that brother in law was just the stingy old twat to be ignored. I decided to wait and see if my findings were justified. Unfortunately they were. He gave her the most attention and she was happy about this acknowledgment because she normally is being ignored, especially when the pretty daughter of my husband is around. First night, we were sitting in the balcony and the two kids were playing in their rooms. My husband suddenly asked where is X (his niece)? We looked wondering at him why he would ask. He made up some silly excuse. Another night, we all were playing Uno. His niece was sitting further away from him but he was all about her game and while she was complaining to her dad about not getting any help during the game, my husband in whispered to her, like one would do a potential flirt, that he cannot help her from where he sits. First 2 days, my husband who doesnt like swimming would not get out of the swimming pool, obviously with his niece so that even her father would make a joke about. The moment X and I go to the pool you are around, he would say. I began getting convinced that something I would never dream of would happen. His niece would enjoy my husbands attention, and seemed to be reiterating this attention, she certainly is not used to it. She would sit legs apart in front of him, while my husband would try to hide  his erections. At the same time my husband would be mirroring the behaviour of his niece. Like complaining about the salty water, ordering what she orders- although he HATES salad, and trying to appear like a boy by drinking coke. He would suggest plans that would involve her wishes like she wanted to the rooftop to see the moon and he would suggest similar activities. In previous years my husband would not even want to join family trips and would volunteer to stay home, while I was taking his family out. When I asked him, what we both, him and I should do one evening, he would protest and tell we do what EVERYONE wants to do. He meant to say what his niece wants to do.


I also recall him saying BEFORE the holiday that he wants some time off from that family and go out drinking with his older brother. He forgot all about his plans... I finally confronted him and he passionately denied such disgusting ideas. I still was hoping this isnt serious when one night we were all sitting in the balcony and got up to see a shooting star. At that moment I turned around and saw my husband bowing down to peek through the knickers of his 13 year old niece with a smile in his face. The next second he got up to look around if he was caught. I think he thought he was not caught until I confronted him. He still cannot explain why this happened. Our night and days became nightmares, the 50 year old uncle trying to avoid the 13 year old child and the child in her naivity thinking I wont understand her chasing her uncle's attention - God knows what for? My husband scared now talking to his niece for too long tried to avoid her and one evening when we were sitting together again with crisps and chips, my husband thought i wont see it when he nibbles seducively his crisps in front of her. When confronted his cheeks turned red for a second and thenWhen confronted his cheeks turned red for a second and then strict denial and then blaming my sick mind. The niece became more and more encouraged by my husband's secret glances, when he thought i cant see him and a distant insest perverted affair was beginning. Hindered by my controlling.
At the pool he wanted me to put oil on his back and said; would you like to get your hands oily- and he looked into her eyes while he said this.

While playing a game in the balcony, when my husband thought nobody is looking, he would turn to her to give her deep look into the eyes and then turn to the game.

Never ending issues like this.. for about 7 days.

The last night, I became more relaxed since my husband was forcing himself to show good will and we were all sitting in the balcony at night. My husband said he is going to get a drink and went to the kitchen. A few second after he got up his niece rushed after him for a drink. We all wondered as it looked VERY suspicious. Her father was staring at kitchens direction and the whole getting drinks thing took a while until the niece screamed and yelled why do you turn the light off? My husband came with his glass of water wiping his face and tried to look normal.

When he saw my face he said lets go see something else. In the bedroom I said I am tired lets go to bed, meaning the evening for me is done and hence for him, he wants to stay with me. He hated me every moment I took him away from this kid.

Next day was time to say goodbye, my husband knew Ill be observing them, niece didnt really because I acted calm, was chasing  him everywhere. But as my husband knew I was watching them he could only give her a desperate goodbye look and walk away, leaving her with her sad looks.

Back at home, I stopped being calm and became a wrack, all he could do was sitting like a depressed school boy because he was love sick... that wrinkly old man. The nieces family are crooks and despite that he tries to be on their good site and refuses me to say anything  bad about his niece. He says you can say anything about anyone except me and my niece.

So what do you think?

Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  psychlady replied 2 years ago.

I think your question got cut off but coincidentally I work with sexual addicts. If your husband is acting inappropriately that has to be disclosed and the problem has to be addressed. If your husband has an overactive sexual drive or a need to focus on other women he must come to terms with that. There are professionals that are trained in inappropriate sexual behavior. Maybe if others along with you can present to him his inappropriate behavior he will realize that it is unfair to you and to others. This particular sexual focus being most inappropriate would be a good choice since it is the most drastic. You may even bring this to his attention when it is happening. If you met with a relationship counselor you could address this with someone so that he can't dismiss your feelings as foolish. Anything that is wrong in a relationship is not foolish and deserves attention. If you present him with a nonthreatening reason to attend he may be willing to do so. Showing any inappropriate attention to a minor is a serious issue. I would investigate help by visiting the American Psychological Association.

Please provide a positive reason if this was helpful. If you want to finish your question I will assist you

Customer: replied 2 years ago.


Dear Expert, I just posted the complete story and would much appreciate your view. Much regards

Expert:  psychlady replied 2 years ago.
I think his actions are strange and possibly criminal. All of these small incidences are either huge coincidences or those of a sexual pervert. He is showing signs that he is abusing a child and that should not be taXXXXX XXXXXghtly. Sexual abuse cannot be undone and you need to get to the bottom of this or her parents. She needs to be protected even if that means questioning her immediately. If he is guilty of any of this then appropriate actions should be taken legally. Sometimes even mild signs can indicate a sexual assault. This sounds beyond mild signs and this needs to be addressed. Predators are manipulative and very clever. They often abuse those closest to them. I would not ask him anything further but instead find out how to question the little girl. Even if you are wrong (and I don't think you are) he has to be confronted to see if he is having thoughts about children.
psychlady, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 6886
Experience: Psychotherapist specializing in the treatment of a variety of mental health issues.
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