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KansasTherapist
KansasTherapist, LSCSW
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 565
Experience:  17 years experience with depression, abuse, and borderline.
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I am soon to be married, a month from today. My fiance has

Resolved Question:

I am soon to be married, a month from today. My fiance has 3 boys, and I have a daughter. My daughter as been sexually assaulted by 2 of the boys, and we have turned this in. We are in the middle of trying to get emergency custody of the 3 boys because their mother and her boyfriend are very abusive to the children. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. I want ALL of the children to be safe. I'm unsure how to do this. With the proper help, will be able to be a safe functioning family? Is there any hope? I am desperately in need of some expert help.
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  KansasTherapist replied 1 year ago.

KansasTherapist :

hello

KansasTherapist :

You certainly are in a difficult situation.

Customer:

hello


Any suggestions?

KansasTherapist :

You don't say how old the children are, which is an important consideration when talking about the boys' treatment.

Customer:

The boys are 4, 6, 9 my daughter is 5

KansasTherapist :

Which to were involved in the abuse?

Customer:

the 6 and 9 yr olds


 

Customer:

the 9 yr old was sexually abused a few years back. Their mom will not allow them to go to counseling because anything they say is turned into the state.


 

KansasTherapist :

One of the issues will be sexual behavior between the three boys. They will need to have separate rooms if at all possible.

Customer:

That is the issue. We just got a house and it has 3 bedrooms. We cannot afford a 5 bedroom house.


 

KansasTherapist :

I'm guessing counseling will not be optional when the case is reviewed by child welfare.

KansasTherapist :

All of the children should be in therapy.

Customer:

Once we can get custody we will be doing some extensive therapy. My daughter is already going.


Do you think we will be able to be a fully normal functioning home ever?

KansasTherapist :

If you can't give them separate rooms, you should avoid letting the 3 of them be alone together during waking hours.

KansasTherapist :

Your home will not be like other people's homes. There will always be risk that will have to be managed to keep everyone safe.

Customer:

And I make sure of that. They are not allowed in the bedrooms and have to play in the living room or family room in sight of a parent. I am taking a leave from work to try to help get the situation under control.


 

KansasTherapist :

It's great that you can take leave. That will help things get settled and more under control.

Customer:

My fiance is really great and has helped me deal with a lot of things. I just dont want this to come between us, we should probably see some therapist for us too?

KansasTherapist :

Some thing think about is that the 6 year old is more likely a victim than an offender. There was probably sexual behavior between him and his older brother before anything happened with your daughter.

KansasTherapist :

Therapy could be very helpful to you and your fiancé.

Customer:

I was assuming that as well. And I'm sure they see a lot at their moms house that is not appropriate for children. They arent even allowed to watch PG13 stuff at our house. They NEVER see anything inappropriate. I just dont know if I'm doing the right things.


 

KansasTherapist :

There are lots of feelings that come up in these situations that need to be sorted out.

KansasTherapist :

What you're doing sounds exactly right.

Customer:

Is there any other safety precautions that we could take?


 

KansasTherapist :

If you haven't, I would talk with the kids about touching problems. Emphasize that if there are any touch problems they need to tell as soon as possible.

Customer:

We have definately done that. Their so young that I dont think they understand the severity of it.


 

Customer:

Sorry... They're not their


 

KansasTherapist :

I'm sure the little ones don't but I'll bet the 9 year old is more aware that what he did was wrong and bad for his step sister.

Customer:

Yes he does. When it first happened we took him to the police department and we are in the middle of court case regarding that.


 

KansasTherapist :

He's going to be the crucial one to get through to. He needs other ways of coping with his feeling besides being sexual.

Customer:

If we can get custody I think intensive, super intensive therapy will help, don't you?


 

KansasTherapist :

Yes, it should help, but...some kids are very hard to get over this even at 9.

Customer:

yikes.

KansasTherapist :

He is expressing a lot of his feelings by being sexual. Sex is so self reinforcing. Once the idea of using sex to express you're self really gets into someone's mind, you can never get it out again. He has to learn to control himself which is hard to do at 9.

Customer:

I hope we can figure out something that helps.


 

KansasTherapist :

You can start by working with him on coping skills for anger, frustration, etc.

Customer:

I will try that.

KansasTherapist :

The efforts you're making are all positive. As a family, you are doing what you can do.

Customer:

thank you for your help


 

KansasTherapist :

You're completely welcome.

Customer:
KansasTherapist, LSCSW
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 565
Experience: 17 years experience with depression, abuse, and borderline.
KansasTherapist and 2 other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you

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