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Hello, I'm Norman. Are you ready to chat?
Good Morning, yes I am
Just type when you're ready
Great. Would you care to tell me your name?
Thanks, Mariette. From what you say, you have a great relationship - is that about right?
yes it is, the healthiest I have ever had.
Who normally raises the issue of marriage
me of course
I make little jokes
How do you do that - and how often?
he likes to call me his secretary when he needs things done & I'll tease him that he doesn't pay me enough or I am still waiting for my promotion
Have you asked HIM outright to marry you?
Still there Mariette?
no. he had an aweful first marriage and I can tell that he wouldn't want to feel forced again into something like that again. I have been married in the past as well. (twice) and I did make a promise to myself that if i did it again it would be for love only and nothing else... but the longer it takes for him to ask I cant help but feel there is something wrong with me.
Right -got your reply now
that I.m not good enough.
Mariette, I doubt very much if there is anything weong with you
I think you have answered the question yourself
he always tells me how happy he his and how wonderful I am....but i guess not enough to fully committ
He is fearful of a repeat disaster.
Tell - why is marriage so important to you?
Both my parents have gone through several spouses and I have had my share of disappointments....I have never felt this way or get along with another as well as I do with him...we met on a blind date and have never looked backed. I feel that with him I can succeed where failures have been in the past.
I see that - but what would marriage give you that you do not have right now. After all, you both know from then past that it does not guarantee a long lived relationship
true. I guess with marriage it's the age old feeling of acceptance. being chosen to be part of something bigger, telling the world that I have been chosen .
Mariette - it seems to me that what you have is wonderful. Something beautiful, to be cherished. If you push too hard for this, you know what you are risXXXXX, XXXXX't you?
yes I know.
Give him time, give him love - and it will probably just happen.. Even if it does not, at least you have somethintruly wonderful - something that many married folks would envy deeply
I need to relax and enjoy what I have. most people go a lifetime without experiencing what I have. He evens believes that we were brought together by a higher power. I guess I need to get over the guilt of "shacking up" and live life on our terms
When you caramp a plant into a tight little container where it is uncomfortable - it withers and dies. Give it space and nourishment and it blossoms.
write our own fairy tale
good point. I have to treat him to some extent like an abused dog. go in slow and low with a lot of love and patience.
Guily over shacking up? I hope not, Mariette. Write that fairy tale.There are happy endings!
You are right on the ball- love, patience and understanding and from all you say, he knows he can depend on you for that
We went to get life insurance quotes and when I told the agent that my address was the same as my boyfriends he saide to me "living in sin are we?" I told him "Is there really any other way to live" but I was so embarrassed.
Actually, you are living in love - get another insurance agent!
we didn't get the insurance.
Well done you!
Thank you for your help Norman. I do feel better...I guess sometimes I over think and let insecurities take over.
We all do Mariette - even so called smart psychotherapists! I wish you both the very best!