How JustAnswer Works:

  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.

Ask Norman M. Your Own Question

Norman M.
Norman M., Principal psychotherapist in private practice. Newspaper contributor, over 2000 satisfied clients on JA
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 2536
Experience:  ADHP(NC), DEHP(NC), ECP, UKCP Registered.
Type Your Mental Health Question Here...
Norman M. is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

How do I keep my 17 yr. old daughter from making the same mistakes

Customer Question

How do I keep my 17 yr. old daughter from making the same mistakes her older sister did. my oldest daughter now 21 ran away at 17...legal in the state of MO,! moved into drug house long story short we are raising her and her husbands daughter. neither have ever worked, live off of his family both addicts..meth, pills no sign of stopping. that is my 17yr olds big sister. I dont allow them to see each other but they talk and Im terrified Im seeing same disrespect in this daughter
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Norman M. replied 1 year ago.

NormanM :

Hello, I'm Norman. Are you ready to chat?

NormanM :

I see that you are still offline, so I am going to switch this to Question and Answer mode, and leave a reply for you there

Expert:  Norman M. replied 1 year ago.
Our chat has ended, but you can still continue to ask me questions here until you are satisfied with your answer. Come back to this page to view our conversation and any other new information.

What happens now?

If you haven’t already done so, please rate your answer above. Or, you can reply to me using the box below.
Expert:  Norman M. replied 1 year ago.
I can certainly understand how concerned you are about your daughter, given her sister's behavior.

A lot of what you have been doing is excellent - setting standards and boundaries - but I'm a bit concerned about the degree of control and punishment that is going on here.

However, before I say any more about that - can you tell me what the younger daughter has been doing so far that merits, for example, her bedroom door being taken away?
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
She retreated to her room every night and was talking to and posting pictures of herself on internet. She began to lead us to believe she was in her room sleeping when in fact she had been sneaking out with her older sister and found herself in some very scary places as well as places where criminial activity were taking place. We understand that Whitney is her sister and it breaks my heart but she is not a safe person for Morgan. We needed morgan to know lying to us in a dangerous situation as this was needed serious consequences. My husband and I believed that it was a statement to her that rights much bigger than a door on a room for personal privacy being taken away when she includes herself outside of the protective boundaries of this home that her father and I cant fix. We wanted her experience in some sort of viable way what it would be like if she had been caught with drugs that night like her older sister and went to jail and stayed in jail for three months awaiting trial. Privacy and the ability for us to say yes as much as possible comes with the character trait of honesty and obedience not in a domineering way but to calmy show her our boundaries are for your safety not ever because we want to "control" you. Safe boundaries explained are what we use instead of "No because we are the parents" We believe lessons learned mistakes that happen are best when they are still within the safety boundaries of our home. Love, grace, mercy is so much more important to us than control. Learn now at this young age that your actions have consequences and they are your consequences because you ultimately made the choice good or bad. We are firm on unconditionaly loving. Even our oldest child Whitney will say I know you love me you always have. I have told them both nothing we cause me to stop loving you because you are my child.....It is the behavior I hate...It is not you being a "bad" person. But the behavior has to be addressed when needed.
Expert:  Norman M. replied 1 year ago.
Given all of what you have said, youare CLEARLY on the right track.

I think Whitney needs (badly) to be pulled up. What would happen if you told her that if she takes Morgan out again without you express approval, there will be serious consequences -up to and including being told to leave. And indeed telling Morgan that that is the choice you have given Whitney, so that if she does go out with Whitney again without permission, she will be in part responsible for what happens to Whitney.

How do you think that would play?
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

Whitney has not lived in our home since 2009. She sneaks over and makes contact with Morgan.

Expert:  Norman M. replied 1 year ago.
I'm sorry, but I misunderstood the situation. Have you considered having Morgan make a contract with you about what you expect and what she will do to meet those expectations?

This can be very effective, especially if Morgan is given the opportunity to have her say in what might be expected and what she might do. Once she has 'signed up' for it, the more likely she is to stick to it.

You might also consider as a last resort taking out a restraining order afainst Whitney, so that she may not come near the house.
Norman M., Principal psychotherapist in private practice. Newspaper contributor, over 2000 satisfied clients on JA
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 2536
Experience: ADHP(NC), DEHP(NC), ECP, UKCP Registered.
Norman M. and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

I think a contract is a great idea. A restraining order has been issued at one time about a year ago so she would park as far away as ordered then just walk to house! Our neighbor caught her that time, she was mad at us for "keeping her from her own sister". But I really like the contract with Morgan she deserves all the attention that the drama of her sister has stolen from our family. Going to talk to husband tonight.


 


Thank you

Attachments are only available to registered users.

Register Here

Attachments are only available to registered users.

Register Here

Attachments are only available to registered users.

Register Here
View Full Image

Attachments are only available to registered users.

Register Here


Heidi Cannon

Expert:  Norman M. replied 1 year ago.
Thanks Heidi - if there is anything else I can do, just ask!

JustAnswer in the News:

 
 
 
Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.
 
 
 

What Customers are Saying:

 
 
 
  • I can go as far as to say it could have resulted in saving my sons life and our entire family now knows what bipolar is and how to assist and understand my most wonderful son, brother and friend to all who loves him dearly. Thank you very much Corrie Moll Pretoria, South Africa
< Last | Next >
  • I can go as far as to say it could have resulted in saving my sons life and our entire family now knows what bipolar is and how to assist and understand my most wonderful son, brother and friend to all who loves him dearly. Thank you very much Corrie Moll Pretoria, South Africa
  • I thank-you so much! It really helped to have this information and confirmation. We will watch her carefully and get her in for the examination and US right away if things do not improve. God bless you as well! Claudia Albuquerque, NM
  • Outstanding response time less than 6 minutes. Answered the question professionally and with a great deal of compassion. Kevin Beaverton, OR
  • Suggested diagnosis was what I hoped and will take this info to my doctor's appointment next week.
    I feel better already! Thank you.
    Elanor Tracy, CA
  • Thank you to the Physician who answered my question today. The answer was far more informative than what I got from the Physicians I saw in person for my problem. Julie Lockesburg, AR
  • You have been more help than you know. I seriously don't know what my sisters situation would be today if you had not gone above and beyond just answering my questions. John and Stefanie Tucson, AZ
  • I have been dealing with an extremely serious health crisis for over three years, and one your physicians asked me more questions, gave me more answers and encouragement than a dozen different doctors who have been treating me!! Janet V Phoenix, AZ
 
 
 

Meet The Experts:

 
 
 
  • Dr. Keane

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1262
    Clinical Psychology PhD, Licensed Professional Counselor with experience in marriage/family, teens and child psychology.
< Last | Next >
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DR/Dr.Keane/2013-8-20_204325_drkeane.64x64.jpg Dr. Keane's Avatar

    Dr. Keane

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1262
    Clinical Psychology PhD, Licensed Professional Counselor with experience in marriage/family, teens and child psychology.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/RE/resolutions66/2011-1-17_05728_IMG8202smilingeditedforJustAnswer.64x64.jpg Elliott, LPCC, NCC's Avatar

    Elliott, LPCC, NCC

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    5024
    35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/formybunch/2010-12-06_191055_img_0975.jpg Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC's Avatar

    Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    3733
    Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DR/DrAkiraOlsen/2012-2-20_746_AkiraADpicmain.64x64.jpg Dr. Olsen's Avatar

    Dr. Olsen

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2336
    PsyD Psychologist
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/norriem/2009-5-27_134249_nm.jpg Norman M.'s Avatar

    Norman M.

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2193
    UK trained in hypnotherapy, counselling and psychotherapy and have been in private practice. ADHP(NC), DEHP(NC), UKCP Registered and ECP.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/PsychologyProf/2010-07-15_171248_logos060400409.jpg Dr. Michael's Avatar

    Dr. Michael

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2177
    Licensed Ph.D. Clinical Health Psychology with 30 years of experience in private practive and as a clinical psychology university professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/KURTEMMERLING/2010-07-23_215531_just_ask_picture1.jpg Steven Olsen's Avatar

    Steven Olsen

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1727
    More than twenty years of expertise in counseling, psychological diagnosis and education
 
 
 

Related Mental Health Questions