do i have add
ok so i've done some researches and went to forums to read about others conditions
but i do not want to self diagnose.
more details to how everything affected me:
when i was really young, i excel in classes. i was an A student until second year of high school. homework was sparse and subjects were easy and common sense.
3rd year of high school was when i had to start learning detailed subjects like chemistry, etc etc.. i went from being an A to F.. until now, my grades are constantly Cs and Ds. Lots of Fs. I am not able to read for more than 2-3 minutes and I am so unmotivated and uninterested in school. I also always talk and text (coz i need someone to talk to) in class and I just cant focus or I can't understand what the prof is sayin.
I realize I had bad tempers and was obsessive at times. When we argued, I would always cut him (it was auto response and i couldnt wait to answer him back.. and i didnt realize i cut him until he told me i always did
and it was rude)
-I lost things like phone, key, papers, glasses and even money. I'm forgetful and clumsy. Get to the point I got locked out often in the past when I didn't have a roommate.
-I get bored a little too easily.. I can't focus especially to things I'm not interested in. So, I multitask like (chat, play games, listen to music, and sometimes watch something)
-I can't stay quiet like doing meditation
. I will be done in 1 minute and I see no point of doing it. I can't walk at the beach and stay quiet, I like fun and doing something. I have to do something if not I'll get bored and I'll eat. My mind always think of something and it never stops working.
-I did yoga and the instructor said focus on my breathing. Never.. I couldn't focus at all coz i was thinking of something else and even thought of my posture rather than my breathing.
-I plan stuffs like 9am i'll be doing A, 10am B, etc. but never followed them. I would have some changes last minute and I would end up be late for everything. I'm always late..
I'm always messy since i was really young. i'd clean things up and 5 minutes later things are messy again.
-This part is what I hate the most: I love music, I love singing and playing guitar and I love dancing. BUT.. I would never finish what I started. I'd learn to sing, once i get a bit better I stop and never get to the advance level and I HATE THAT!!! I WANT TO BE VERY GOOD AT IT AND WHY AM I LAZY AND UNMOTIVATED?!!! I WANT TO FOCUS JUST FOR ONCE!!!
-Eating vitamin or pills constantly daily? NEVER! I would always forget to take any needed medication. Its not gonna be perfect.
-I don't have a diary to keep track of things I'm doing. I forget appointments.
-I delay everything and turn in everything last minute or even 1-2 weeks or a month later.
-Overly self concious to the point I bother people telling them I'm fat and ugly. constantly comparing and searching for ways to go on diet but always failed coz whenever I'm bored or stressed I'll grab something sweet and fatty to satisfy myself.
-I'm hyper since I was young. People said its fun when I'm around coz i'm loud and funny.. but there was a guy who said, if I knew the time to keep quiet it was better coz it was pretty annoying. i talked loudly and was always hyper.
-as i'm typing this i get distracted like surfing about something else or playing with my hair.
-SO HARD to make a decision i dont know why
-I quit my job after a month (I don't know why)
-If i wasnt given an opportunity to learn in a week to get used to it, I am forgetful and I stumble a lot. (the only way to memorize and remember things for me is to get used to it and i have to do it repeatedly and constantly)
-I used to have lots of friends.. well.. lets count how many i have now..
wait.. wth? I don't have any.. Poor me.. luckily my dog lucy survives living with me in a great condition.
I want to put all these to a stop and I want to be able to be an expert in singing. I want to be constantly rehearsing and constantly motivated and focus. I want to excel. People tell me I'm smart and I'd do soooooooooooooo much better if I actually tried harder and if I wasn't lazy. Look.. I don't know what it is, but I just tried and I can't.. Am I lazy or do I have a disorder? check this out.. this describes me best http://www.addforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=94015