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KansasTherapist, LSCSW
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 566
Experience:  17 years experience with depression, abuse, and borderline.
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I have mild hypospadias that prevents me from enjoying a sexual

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I have mild hypospadias that prevents me from enjoying a sexual relationship. Currently, there is a girl that is flirting with me. I can't enjoy sex with my condition. I understand that sex isn't everything, but even if I started dating her, eventually sex would be a topic. I don't want to give her false hopes and then tell her 6 months into dating. Currently, I don't even know if I should date her in the first place. I just don't know how I should let her know about my condition. Then there is the other problem that I just feel that I can't relate to other guys because while all the other guys are dating, I feel like Im treated like the guy in the outfield because I am scared of dating with my condition. I know that if I get the surgery to fix to the mild hypospadias, I would feel better, but until then, I feel extremely lost and alone.
I can see why you would feel isolated from both women and other men. Have you been evaluated for the surgery?
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
not yet... I just discovered what my condition was a couple months ago. I tried to ignore it for the longest time and pretend that I was normal, but I finally decided to look for information on the internet about it. I realized this was a $4000 dollar procedure and Ive been raising the money for it, but in the meantime, I just feel like I can't pretend Im normal anymore, but I feel to ashamed to let other people know exactly what this condition is. Ive tried to tell other guys that I have personal issues that prevent me from dating but that answer only has pushed them to treat me even worse. Then there is this girl I like and she is flirting with me also, but I don't know what to tell her. Before I would just ignore the condition but eventually relationships would lead to sex and when I had sex, I wouldn't feel any sensations because extra skin and chordee from the hypospadias isn't allowing me to have normal sex. Like I said before, I don't want to sound like sex is everything, I just don't want to give someone false hopes into believing in me only to disappoint them later.
Sex is important in relationships, so I can understand why it's difficult to date. You would need to be with someone who could be patient and willing to do other sexual things besides intercourse, at least until you can save money to have the problem corrected. I suggest you try dating this girl until you get to know her better. You can decide then, whether she is someone you could talk with her about this.
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