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DrFee
DrFee, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 437
Experience:  I help people overcome anxiety and enjoy life again.
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ive been going through a very difficult time lately.we recently

Resolved Question:

i've been going through a very difficult time lately.we recently put my mom in assisted living for dementia . i live 2800 miles away from my mom and my sisters ,and feel very useless to the situation . i'm recently single,and have no family of my own. i feel so alone. my sisters and i want to sell moms house (family house for 42 years) to help pay her medical expenses, but by doing so i'm losing my home base. i have a job i hate that is barely paying my bills, no medical insurance, and very little money.i don't sleep and barley eat. i'm thinking of moving back east to help get the house ready to sell,and to be closer to my sisters and my mom. the thought of no more birthday cards,christmas presents,phone conversations is killing me! i think i'm depressed . i talk to my sisters regularly and it helps for a minute. i don't have alot of people i feel comfortable telling all my deepest issues too .i know i cant afford a good psychiatrist ,what can i do ?
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  DrFee replied 2 years ago.

DrFee :

Hello! Please remember that my response is for information only, we are not establishing a therapeutic relationship.

DrFee :

It sounds like you are going through a tough, sad time.

DrFee :

Dementia is so devastating.

DrFee :

Hello

DrFee :

You said that you believe that you are depressed. Are you wishing to go into therapy or to get on medication? Or both?

DrFee :

I did see that you have no insurance and little money --I was just planning on exploring some lower cost options with you.

Customer:

its been brutal,i dont think i can afford it

Customer:

please do

DrFee :

Well, the two options would be to go to a Community Mental Health clinic (like a county run facility) or similar type of non-profit counseling center where the fees are based on one's ability to pay. If you'd like to give me your zip code, I could try to find some referrals.

Customer:

89511

DrFee :

Are you interested in a therapist or medication?

Customer:

not thrilled with the meds.

DrFee :

OK. Give me a few minutes.....

DrFee :

Reno, correct? Here's a Family Counseling Services575 E Plumb Ln #100, Reno322-6557Individual and group counseling on sliding scale

Customer:

yes, reno

DrFee :

I'm looking for more possibilities....

DrFee :

This place says they provide referrals--might be helpful: West Hills Assessment and Referral1240 E. 9th St., Reno(NNN) NNN-NNNN/p>

DrFee :

That's all I'm coming up with --but that might be enough ---

Customer:

thank you..... i need to start taking care of my problems

DrFee :

Here's the website for family services, they say they have sliding scale and grants and scholarships:

DrFee :

http://uwayreno.communityos.org/sys/profile.taf?profiletype=agency&textonly=&recordid=3071

DrFee :

Yes, it sounds like you could use some support!

Customer:

its been so hard

DrFee :

I imagine being so far away leaves you feeling even more helpless than if you were there --although you'd feel helpless if you were there too, I imagine.

DrFee :

It's almost like you're already grieving, but yet your Mom is still here, yet not herself. It's very emotionally complex, it seems.

Customer:

yup, my sisters are there and not doing much better then me. with moms stuff, the house stuff and then trying to figure out what im going to do with my life its some heavy stuff.this stuff just keeps going thru my head and i cant turn it off

DrFee :

Try to take things day by day and not think too far ahead.

Customer:

she's passing mentally but living physically .

DrFee :

Yes, I think that makes it harder.

Customer:

i know ,but i'm very hard on myself

Customer:

not the fastest typer, sorry

Customer:

she's in a safe place and getting the care she needs

DrFee :

That's OK. So, that's another area that you need to work on --giving yourself grace!!!

Customer:

how?

DrFee :

Well, give me an example of something that you are being hard on yourself and I'll try to give you some things that you can say to yourself --

Customer:

i seem to be my worst enemy

DrFee :

So --how about being your own best friend? Wouldn't you be nice, caring to a friend ?

Customer:

im a great friend they tell me....i just dont know why i beat myself up so much

DrFee :

So --trying telling yourself what you would say to a friend...because it sounds like you wouldn't beat up your friends!

Customer:

good point

Customer:

i seem to very angry

Customer:

seem to be

DrFee :

At who?

Customer:

i thought it was everybody but im pretty sure its just me .did'nt see that one coming

DrFee :

So --why are you angry at yourself?

Customer:

last four days i've been drinking heavy...so today was kind of rough

DrFee :

That's understandable ---alcohol can numb out the feelings for a little while, not that it's a great idea to do so. ;)

Customer:

43,never been married no kids, no career. . .used to think i had it made. now it seems sad..

DrFee :

Not too late for most if not all, of those things ---if that's what you want---

Customer:

i know that my answers are not at the bottom of a bottle. . .had a friend just move to long beach so we did some good drinking last week

DrFee :

It's a difficult time to think about the future, I think....

Customer:

i know. . .feel very lost. . .dont know what i want to do with myself but i need to figure it out asap

Customer:

im going to meet my sisters on the 20th, start going thru the house for a week.hope to talk with them. they say its not my job to do this. and they dont want me to have any regrets .

DrFee :

It sounds like they are being protective, caring of you.

DrFee :

It might be good to spend some time with them.

Customer:

it will . . .hoping to come back with some answers. . .

DrFee :

You mean about what to do?

Customer:

one sis has 2 kids that start school in sep. other sis has career.if were going to get a handle on the house whos going to do it. i mean on the house.....do i move back get closer to the fam?. do i stay here ?

DrFee :

That's a big question --and it may or may not be a good time to make that decision. Is there anything holding you where you are right now?

Customer:

i dont really want to move...but i dont have a whole lot holding me here...might be good to be around the family right now

DrFee :

It's also hard to judge on a trip --taking a trip is not like living there. How long are you going to stay there?

Customer:

we would like to have the house sold nxt spring or summer. . .but living in that house by myself would be very hard ....i think, but i would only be a six hr ride to vt. ,where mom and sis,s are

DrFee :

That would be hard, a lot of emotions would come up --

DrFee :

Maybe you should see how you feel just being at the house before trying to make that decision.

Customer:

i know . . .still have some good friends in the area but it would be a whole new life. . . again ,but

Customer:

i agree. . .

DrFee :

So --go slowly, don't rush into a decision if possible!!!

Customer:

you can start to get an idea on all the crap thats been going thru my head.

Customer:

your right

DrFee :

Yes --- you need a break!

Customer:

it used to be fly fishing . .i dont even enjoy that right now . . .thats sad

DrFee :

That is sad --what if you tried it? Could it help at all?

Customer:

as far as me getting help. . .what do you think? where should i start ? some of this is normal rt?

DrFee :

I would start with the family service referral, if that doesn't work, work your way through the other 2 --although the one is just a place for you to get a referral.

DrFee :

Yes, much if not all of it is normal, I think!

Customer:

i still get out there . . not as often. . .i just cant stop thinking, cant turn my head off. started taking sleep meds. . still cant sleep, which leaves me with no appetite . . .im down like 15 pounds

DrFee :

That is a concern.

Customer:

i think i've been dealing with self esteem and depression for allitle bit . . .but all this has put it over the top

DrFee :

That makes sense --with this situation there is both stress and grief --and it's overwhelming.

Customer:

thank you. . .i cant do this computer thing any more . . .any last advice?

DrFee :

Ok...you are welcome. Just be patient, kind with yourself. Remember that you are worth taking care of.

DrFee :

Seek help --and then just go from there.

DrFee :

Try not to give up on the things you enjoy --even if it's tough to enjoy them right now.

DrFee :

Go easy on the alcohol.

DrFee :

Maybe get a relaxation CD --there's 100s of different types of them out there.

Customer:

:) feel like i got the ball rolling. . . .,ocean sounds dont work any more

DrFee :

There's some with words --that might help -- a guided imagery of some kind....

Customer:

thanks again. . . .never thought i would do something like this

DrFee :

You are welcome---I'm glad we got the ball rolling. ;) I know it's a bit different --strange how technology changes things!!!

DrFee, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 437
Experience: I help people overcome anxiety and enjoy life again.
DrFee and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you

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  • I can go as far as to say it could have resulted in saving my sons life and our entire family now knows what bipolar is and how to assist and understand my most wonderful son, brother and friend to all who loves him dearly. Thank you very much Corrie Moll Pretoria, South Africa
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