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Ask Norman M. Your Own Question

Norman M.
Norman M., Principal psychotherapist in private practice. Newspaper contributor, over 2000 satisfied clients on JA
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 2568
Experience:  ADHP(NC), DEHP(NC), ECP, UKCP Registered.
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I have to leave and go pick him up soon can anyone answer my

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I have to leave and go pick him up soon can anyone answer my question? Thank you!!

NormanM :

Hello, I'm Norman. What is your qiestion?

Customer:

What is my role when my husband comes home from detox today? This is first and hopefully the last.

NormanM :

Support, support and support. Nout unconditional - he needs to know what is expected of him, and that if he deviates from that, even slightly, there will be consequences.

Customer:

Yes I will support him but I don't want to overprotect him I want him to have dignity. I would love to go out for lunch with him which he loves doing and being able to do that without the need for his wine. Right now because of his alcohol abuse it is in the works to have his driving licensed removed. We have hid the keys so he isn't able to drive and that stll needs to happen. I know he will be mad because he will say I'm not drinking I want to drive. What do I do?

NormanM :

I agree with your views on support with dignity. Remember that this is the START of his recovery, not the end of it. If you have the slightest doubt that he might drink and drive, I'd be inclined to remind him that in order to get his car keys back, he needs to show that he can be trusted with them. Words won't cut it. Actions will

NormanM :

What do you think?

Customer:

I have contacted the DMV prior to him going into treatment and explained what has been happening with him and the alcohol use with his serious medical conditions. He had two incidents where one he fell going into a bar which he drove to and hit his head and had to be transported by ambulance and an overnight stay in the hospital and three weeks later fell in our driveway and hurt himself so bacd we brought him over 18 stiches in various parts of his face and in the hospital again. With the help of his two doctors he voluntarily went into detox. He has circois of the liver, pacemaker and mystenia gravis.

NormanM :

This is going to need a lot of sensitive handling on your part, but make sure he understands that hes medical condition is precarious indeed, and that he has to show you that he can keep off alcohol. We both know that if he does not, all that is going to happen is that you are going to watch him slowly dying, so try to make sure that he understands that you are not prepared to do that, and that you will do everything in your power to help him, providing that he helps himself.

NormanM :

What he needs is lots of love, encouragement - but very TOUGH love!

Customer:

I hope he follows through with the outpatient treatment program and doesn't pick and choose when he wants to participate. We are planning a mini vacation in a couple of weeks and I want him to be able to take a leave from his daily treatmemnt program for only three days. So I want him to get the confidence from the providers to let them agree to go for three days with me. Hopefully that will be a goal for him. Also if he is able to abstain from alcohol that might be a goal for him to have the DMV gather information in no alcohol.

NormanM :

Good for you. There must be NO picking and choosing. 100% compliance is essential. If he really works at it, his treatment providers may agree to the break. If they do not, then you really have to go along with their decision.

NormanM :

Is there anything else you would like me to answer?

Customer:

What is your thought on thr driving issue?

NormanM :

I don't see that it could do any harm.

Norman M. and 3 other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you

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