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Norman M.
Norman M., Principal psychotherapist in private practice. Newspaper contributor, over 2000 satisfied clients on JA
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 2568
Experience:  ADHP(NC), DEHP(NC), ECP, UKCP Registered.
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Hi. I have had intensive therapy between 1992 and 2004. Feeling

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Hi. I have had intensive therapy between 1992 and 2004. Feeling much better now. One of my major childhood traumas has been circumcision at age 3. I am feeling guilty that I have asked our doctor many years ago to circumcise my son when he was only 1 day old. I am not sure if h used anaesthetic my son is now 22 and appears to be ok. Does it hurt if I share my experience and past with him. I have the urge to do so. Thank you for your advice. A.H

NormanM :

Hello. I'm Norman. Are you ready to chat?

NormanM :

Can you tell me why you decided to have your son circumcised please?

Customer: Hi. Yes I ready
NormanM :

Great - can you answer my question?

Customer: I am so sorry. I need to use my pc. This iPhone screen is way too small. Can I get back to you in two min.
NormanM :

about why you had your son circumcised

NormanM :

Sure.

Customer:

ok


thanks for waiting

NormanM :

No problem at all. So, why did you have him circumcised?

Customer:

the decision was an authomatic one which was cultural I guess.


 

Customer:

cos it happened to me and I thought it was the right thing to do.. I was unaware of the effects it had on me till later on in life


 

NormanM :

Would it be fair to say that with the knowledge you fad at that time, you thought you were doing the right thing?

Customer:

yes


 

NormanM :

I see you anticipated me!

NormanM :

Just because you were adversely affected in later life does not suggest in the slightest that your son will be.

NormanM :

You say he seems fine, and that means he probably is fine?

Customer:

yes he is a delight and I love him so much


 

NormanM :

You did what you truly believed was right at the time, no-one can blame you for that, nor should you blame yourself.

NormanM :

Also, I'm practically 100% sure that your son will remember NOTHING about the procedure, and justs accepts that that's how things are

Customer:

hello


 

NormanM :

Given that he is OK, who is going to benefit now from you sharing your past problem with him?

Customer:

As I said I feel that I need to share my story.. and a part of me thinks that this way my children will know their father more.. also I might be of benefit for other people


 

Customer:

hello


 

Customer:
Customer:
Customer:

not sure why NormanM has left the chat so quickly.. I feel that I didn't get all my questions answered


 

Customer:

I feel disappointed


 

Customer:

Bye


 

Sorry about the technical problem there. I know that you were typing, but your reply was not coming on screen.

I think you need to consider this. What is your motive for wanting to share with him. Is it for his sake, or for yours, to help you with your guilt feelings?

If it is for him, then you may well be doing him a disservice, by putting doubt into his mind about whether or not he should have been circumcised, and I rather suspect you would not want to do that.

If on the other hand, this urge to share is for your benefit, then you have to make the moral decision as to whether it is right to do so and burden him with, perhaps, a problem he did not in fact have to face.

What do you think?
Norman M., Principal psychotherapist in private practice. Newspaper contributor, over 2000 satisfied clients on JA
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 2568
Experience: ADHP(NC), DEHP(NC), ECP, UKCP Registered.
Norman M. and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
I completely agree with Norman's question about whether this is for you or for your son's benefit. I was struck by your last statement of wanting your children to know you better. It seems that is at the heart of your question, rather than the matter of circumcision. If you are divorced and particularly if you are the noncustodial parent, then you may be dealing with feelings of sadness, remorse, and frustration at missing out on time with your children and wishing that they knew you better and you knew them better. Again, I agree with Norman, but I thought this may be important for you to explore.

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