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Dr. Rossi
Dr. Rossi, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 4627
Experience:  PsyD, LPC, CHt
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Hi Dr. Rossi... I have a guestion about if i told my bf I can

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Hi Dr. Rossi... I have a guestion about if i told my bf I can not deal with living with step kids, he said that he would take him to rehersals etc and that i would just do my own thing. he said i dont listen or hear him he would not ask me to do anything... well i cant llive with any teenagers.... it won't work. i didn't push this but I am ready to pick my things when he isnt here and leave. he dosen't hear me. His son has tourette's and I can't deal with it very well.
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Camille-Mod replied 2 years ago.
Hi, I am a Moderator for this topic. I sent your requested Professional a message to follow up with you here, when they are back online. If I can help further, please let me know. Thank you for your continued patience.

Expert:  Dr. Rossi replied 2 years ago.

Hi,

 

If you feel that there is no other way to make things work out, then you have to do what is the healthier thing for you now. If you're not heard and there is nothing that can be done with this living situation, the relationship may have exhausted its flame.

 

For any relationship to work out, there had to be not only compromises made by each partner but also working together to find a resolution to a problem. From what you've shared, this does not seem to be happening. You know your limits and what would work for you. It's not selfish to have told your partner about it and in asking for some other options. Maybe he wanted a care taker for his kids rather than a partner?

 

Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Now i came home back to my apartment. i took a nap am not sure what to do next. i told him to call me if his son and him were going to a show. i will go and visit my son shortly. I just keep thinking I need to get my stuff out from his place... but do i tell him or just do it when he isn't home after his son leaves in a week. should i let him spend time an look after his son without me there? My girlfriend said he doesn't even look at me when i was talking when we were all standing in line. He doesn't even look at me when I talk to him and doens't even hear me. what should i think, say or do...? He is just all about himself and that is it. He got mad in front of people yesterday when I asked him to come with us to do something and said ...i cant leave my sonwith trettes i have to make sure no one gets mad and beats the crap out of him. he didnt even watch him he just put on a show... I just said ok.... how do I leave him and does he even care? why should i feel bad and not him?
Expert:  Dr. Rossi replied 2 years ago.

Hi Judy,

 

it seems that you're already thinking that he's detached emotionally and seems preoccupied w/ his son.

You've been thinking for a while now about moving out. You can tell him out of courtesy that you're leaving. If he really is emotionally uninvolved in the relationship, you'd know for sure by his reaction. Either way.

 

As far as whether or not he cares, you seem to sense that he does not based on his behavior of not being able to communicate properly with you, seeming unconcerned for the relationship and more for his son (or at least you say he's putting on a front). This may be a situation where he can't juggle a relationship and taking care of a disabled child at the same time. When did this all get to this point? Is he able to work/do his music and help you at all now?

Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Hi again... Now he didn't reply to my texting today and when i called he acted like he didn't know me and was here and there and what a friend told me he is punishing me for not wanting to move to tenn. and if he gets cusidy of his son i said I couldn't do that at my age nor really at any age. Now he is advoiding me and I will stay at my place and he made it out that he would be busy and not take his son withhim tonight when he goes out. I said i would over when he got home at his normal time. he lied and he is at work not the urgent care cus when i called him he turned his phone off and than on and said he was getting a salad to eat and not waitng that he would go back... nah he was at work and went out side or wherever to call and tell me he will have plans for later... anyway... I think i have to just go and get my stuff when he isn't home... not much of a choice. He will get mad if i just tell him i think... one time he told me to just get my shit...I don't know if I can get it all at once or do it over time. i don't think I have a choice.
Expert:  Dr. Rossi replied 2 years ago.
Whatever happened w/ the car title? Was this situation w/ him taking care of his son ever discussed before?
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
He found the car title... it took awhile. I made trips with him to chicago after and i told him i had helped him alot. He said he said thanks and he could have done it by himself...I am staying at my appartment tonight and he said he would call me tonight. i am giving him and his son some space. he kept giving me the run around today and i wasn't quit sure where he was calling from. That is I don't believe him exactly. My boss said he is just punishing me for not wanting to live and be a care giver for his son. We haven't descussed it before. When I brought it up that i was too old he knew what i meant but wasn't sure what he was going to do.
Expert:  Dr. Rossi replied 2 years ago.

It may be good to discuss this with him now before you make any plans. It is something that has to be addressed; there may be some solutions that come to light while talking about this objectively with him. You seemed happier at the beginning of the relationship and too quickly things appear to have changed. It's fair for both of you to try to figure it out before calling it quits.

Giving them some time may help clear his head.

Dr. Rossi, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 4627
Experience: PsyD, LPC, CHt
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