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My son caught be baring my breast on webcam? He is 14 and upset

 
Dr. Kaushik's Avatar
  • Answered by:Dr. Kaushik
  • Psychiatrist
  • Positive Feedback: 97.5 %
  • Accepted Answers: 3217
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Customer Question

My son caught be baring my breast on webcam? He is 14 and upset and I feel horrible.

 

Optional Information:
Person's Gender: Female
Person's Age: 41

Already Tried:
I tried talking to him as soon as it happened and he was at first but now he wont talk to me. I told him I met a guy online in Canada and I have been talking to him for 5 mos. He said what if I showed the tip of my penis that is that same thing. How do I help this and not scar him for life?

Submitted: 252 days and 3 hours ago.
Category: Mental Health
Value: $29
Status: CLOSED

Accepted Answer

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Expert:  Dr. Kaushik replied 252 days and 2 hours ago.


Dr. Kaushik :

Hi there,

Dr. Kaushik :

Welcome to Just answer !

Dr. Kaushik :

Well, i can understand that this must have shocked and disgusted and embarrassed him a lot and agreed that you should have been more careful with this indiscretion , but now what has happened has happened , you must have apologised to him many times also, but to no avail , as he is infuriated and in no mood to let go off this ..

Dr. Kaushik :

So, looking at the gravity of this matter i reckon this is serious enough to be tackled by a professional as you alone cannot make him look at this as a part and parcel of life which although seems shocking from a distance and at his age but has quite become and accepted a norm of life..

Dr. Kaushik :

You cannot make him grow overnight and make him percieve our point of view as an adult ..

Dr. Kaushik :

What he needs is proper counseling from a clinical psychologist so as to overcome this shocking incident and accept it as a part of adult life and also prevent him from being emotionally scarred from it .

Dr. Kaushik :

So, instead of giving him repeated explanations and apology , tell him upfront or write him a message or text ( communicate your true feels of embarrassment and offer your apology in plain simple words ) him and pour your heart out and then give him some time to heal from this and to come to terms with this.

Dr. Kaushik :

Meanwhile look out for a chuld psychologist ,discuss with him this issue and take your son to meet rhe psychologist to have a talk on this matter and start him on therapy for sometime ..

Dr. Kaushik :

At this time he is filled with lots of anger and disgust and angst , but he is not going to open up in front of you , but it is essential that he vents out his anger and channelize it somewhere , so the best channel would be with a session with child psychologist , who is unbiased and will give him his take and solution to deal with this issue ..

Customer :

They were not fully exposed but i guess that this does not help

Customer :

I will keep my statement simple and let him know that I am ashamed of myself

Customer :

and let him know I was weak?

Dr. Kaushik :

Please do not let him be and swipe this issue under the carpet , this issue needs to be addressed properly in the best way possible , so that your child does not harbor feelings of disrespect and angst againswt you , years from now ..

Customer :

I won't..I feel like an idiot

Dr. Kaushik :

so better would be to let a professional like a child psychologist handle it , because if you try any further then it may so happen that some words which come out from your mouth unintentionally trigger his anger even more..

Dr. Kaushik :

well..

Dr. Kaushik :

that is better statement and please do not give him an reasons or justifications..

Dr. Kaushik :

or defend yourself ..

Customer :

i wont

Dr. Kaushik :

this will take out the steam out of your apology..

Dr. Kaushik :

it is best at the moment to own up and then let him heal

Customer :

okay

Dr. Kaushik :

and if the need arises

Dr. Kaushik :

use help of a child psychologist

Dr. Kaushik :

this will take time but he will get over it ,

Dr. Kaushik :

soon enough he will be entering adulthood and will start to realize and identify the nuances and intricacies of relationships of adults..

Customer :

I will do whatever I can to help him with this..you have at least given me a pathway

Dr. Kaushik :

i hope this helps..

Dr. Kaushik :

wish you all the best..

Dr. Kaushik :

do not worry..

Customer :

i hope I have not lost his respect

Dr. Kaushik :

this wil be pass ..

Dr. Kaushik :

be strong ..

Customer :

thank you and I will try not to

Dr. Kaushik :

and own up your mistake

Customer :

ok

Dr. Kaushik :

and do not self depreciate yourself

Dr. Kaushik :

it was a mistake

Dr. Kaushik :

and no one is judging you..

Customer :

A BIG ONE

Dr. Kaushik :

only the timing was bad

Dr. Kaushik :

and some bad luck..

Dr. Kaushik :

Take care of this issue as we have discussed

Dr. Kaushik :

I hope this helps..

Customer :

okay and thankyou

Dr. Kaushik :

Wish you all the best..

Dr. Kaushik :

You are welcome ..

Customer :

Thank you

Dr. Kaushik :

Take care..

Customer :

You too

Dr. Kaushik :

Please give me a positive rating if you are satisfied with the answer as only then will i be credited for my service.

Dr. Kaushik :

Regards..

Expert TypePsychiatrist
Category: Mental Health
Pos. Feedback: 97.5 %
Accepts: 3218
Answered: 8/4/2012

Experience: MD Psychiatry

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