Hi there,

Welcome to Just answer !

Well, i empathize with you and can understand that you are feeling left out and all alone when your pillar of strength in the form of your mother has chosen to turn a blind eye to you due to some of her own valid reasons which must be justifying her actions in her own eyes.

Your feelings of disgust and frustration and desperation are justified since now you do not have your alter ego to help and guide you through this journey we call as life.

But i will like to say here that life and the experiences which it brings along with it , teaches us something new each time and helps us to reinvent ourselves , find some strengths which we were unaware of earlier and also it shows us a ray of light that there is a always hope for us to weather difficult times..

What i am trying to tell you here is that do not look at this unfortunate hurtful event in your life as a personal setback, but learn from this experience and think of it as a life changing moment where in the life and circumstances are teaching you to not to depend wholly on a single person now that you are an adul and mature person

yes..

i am not sayign that you do not reconcile with your mother./.

you do that ..

but not at the cost of loosing your dignity, and have some backbone ,

may be your mother in her own silent ways is trying to let you go off and manage on your own

as she is not going to be there forever

you see the core issue is that you cannot see eye to eye with your brother in law

but that does nt mean that because of your strained relationship with him , you bring in your mother to a point where she has to choose between the two of you..

give her the liberty to be cordial with your sister and her husband but at the same time buy time for yourself also..

at her age with her many years experience she is above bitterness

and holding people in contempt..

i mean to say that you have a heart to heart taalk with her

and tell her that you want her in your life but there are certain

boundaries that you have laid out and you cannot cross them

and which include not being able to find yourself on the same platform as your sister and husband

so tell her that she will have to divide equal time for you as well as for your sister and her husband..

so what is ?

ok..

so let him be ..

how does that effect your equation with your mother ..

see you are all adults and your parents simply want to keep out of it ..

so you mean to say that you are being given a second rate treatment by your parents due to the brother in law's proximity

with them ..

have you confronted them ? i am sure you must have ..

so what do they tell you ?

i believe this is because your brother in law has been able to impress your parents and they now look upto him as a wise man and have given him the right to take decisions on their behalf..

and the impression of his is so strong that he is calling the shots and taking decisions which have been alientaing you in the bargain.

ok..

i agree..

you are justified in expecting this from them ..

no.

you re not mistan in expecting this from them..

they should have been more concerned about you and should not have left you to fend off on your own..

But i feel now that you are not getting your dues and being sidelined , what you can do is to make yourself noticed by them ..

and this can be done by growing into someone whom they can be proud of ..

let your qualities take over all this neglect and let your achievements make them sit up and take you seriously , even your brother..

i feel all of the m are not taking you seriously..

and this is really frustrating.. that is to be treated as a second fiddle , as someone who's opinion is always undermined and who is not ther ein the same picture..

So, i reckon pleading them for including you in the same picture would be a big dent to your own self esteem and confidence and will project you as a sorry figure to them , which you should not like ..

so as they say , make yourself worth being noticed by all..

and stop complaining over this ..

although injustice has been done to you..

by doing well in your life..

not pleading them to be included in their talks..

\salvaging your self respect..

becoming emotionally independent of your mother..

and finally redeeming your self image of a confident individual ..

you see when you cannot change others , then it is best to cha nge your own mind set, thinking pattern so as to make yourself independent..

Well, a child - mother bond wil always be there between you and your mother

i am not saying that you give up that..

but for once stop complaining ..

and take the good and the bad both in your stride

well..

let some time pass by and you refrain yourself in touching this topic with her.,things wil get back to normal..

we..

you will have to learn to overcome this hurt

but by projecti9ng this hurt onto your mother you will gain nothing

abut hurt her even more

and in return get hurt again..

but nothing shall change

as had it been changed it woould have changed by now..

but yes..

time is a great healer and leveler

as time passes by things are going to improve between you and your mother

but stop complaining..

this does not work..

either find a solution to this , if that is not possible just take the wrong in your stride and go about your life

you see dejections and pain are part of our lives and so is the case with you.

i know there is deep seated hurt that accompanies you whereever you go and i know this is going to be there in your heart for years to come ..

i know..

so try to forgive your mother and others who have caused this pain..

the healing will start..

your hesrt is heavy with dissapointments , dejection , rejection , sense of betrayal by own parents ..

\these things do not heal overnight..

it takes time ..

but one way to deal with them is to learn to forgive people who have wronged you, it is their Karma

you invest your energy and time in looking after your own family and kids ..

as they say doing your own Karma..

this way you will overcome the pain..

have patience ..

you are a human being and pain is a strong pervasive emotion, so it takes time to go away..

Karma is to dispose of your responsiblities and duties in life with utmost sincerity and stop expecting rewards for your deeds ..

this is karma

if we try we can definitely try to get close to it..

it is simple ..

first you got to give up on youu..r negativities for anyone who has wronged you or pained yo

try to oversee people's shortcomings and count their good points instead..

believe in doing your task / duty earnestly without expecting any rewards or accolades ( which will come your way eventually but rhe form may vary)

stop procrastinating and dwell on your primary duties as a mother and wiife ..

and please last but not the least learn to forgive people and if you do not think they share posiitve vibes with you , it is better you avoid them or atleast try to just be cordial with them ...

I know this is very difficult to practise ..

but if you try to incorporate soem of these simple points in your life , this will make you much more at peace within you and tranqulized ..

and then you shall not even remotely be concerned with other people 's arrogance and selfish streaks as you will be happy within your heart..

But remember this is not done overnight , but with honest intentions it does change your outlook towards life for good..

If somehow this is too much to bargain for , then i reckon you can seek help from a clin ical psychologist and start yourself on CBT

that is cognitivce behaviour therapy , which is a type of counseling that helps one to deal with personal setbacks , stressful situations, and depression ..

plus it teaches some mental strengthening exercises to make the person emotionally stronger

so as to weather and endure such life stressors and setbacks better ..

it takes place in one to one sessions between the psychologist and the person , in a very relaxed schedule of once a week session lasting over 12-16 weeks duration.

You may try this and seek help of a psychologist to help you to work out this issue and many more like this and overcome them ..

So i have laid down two approaches , as mentioned above but both act on the fundamentals of chainging one's mind set as one cannot change how other people are and behave.

i hope this helps..

well..

you are asking about mother's feelings or the son's

well..

i do not think the son feels any less love for his mother , but yes at times some circumstances drive the sone to feel stifled with the expectations from the mother ..

and it is only due to this stifling feeling he garners such negative feelings , but that is not something he really wishes to do ..

yes..

that is the crux.

i can understand the insecurity which clouds your mind but do not undermine his emotions for you

you see there is a saying the more you try to grab sand in your hands tightly the more it slips away..

the same thing happens with relations..

try to have formidable , deep relations woth son and parents but do not force yourself onto them..

this shall stifle them ., smother them under the burden of pleasing you and this will eventually drive them away..

i hoep you see the bigger picture here.

you should do that and hold onto this feeling of trying this honestly ..

first things first ..

please initiate this

first and leave the rest for later..

start this new experiencing of trying this and reinventing yourself , this shall only give you strength at times of weakness.

look at the positives and bright side of what you shall achieve through this ..

I hoep things wil fall back into place and you will have restored healthy relationships with all

Wish you all the best..

Take care and God bless..

Regards..

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